Ghost

Tomoe - thanks, mate. I appreciate it.

6. Jack.

It was dark when I woke up. I could hear the soft sounds of snoring, and opened my eyes to darkness. I was blanketed in body heat, and the steady thump of a heartbeat echoed in my ear. I was lying on my side, with my head pressed against Kain’s chest. His chin was resting against the crown of my head, his arms a familiar sense of security around my shoulders and hips.

Link was curled around me from behind, his body spooning mine. He was nuzzeling the back of my shoulder as he huffed, his palm pressed over my belly. I just lay there and breathed them in; breathed in their familiar scents. Listened to the sounds that they made. The feel of their limbs tangled with my own. Finally, back to being safe as houses.

I wriggled slowly out of the tangle of arms that held me, and crawled out of bed. With me gone, both Kain and Link grunted and rolled over, taking advantage of the extra space. I just shook my head, and glanced down at myself. I had a shirt on, with the opening towards my back. A vague memory flittered through my mind - Maniac whispering in my ear that he needed to stitch me up - to trust him. With my very life, Maniac.

"Where you goin’, Jack?"

I looked towards Dog as his voice drifted out of the gloom. He lurched unsteadily to his feet, and made his way to my side. He curled an arm around my waist and peered down at me in the dim light. I sighed inaudibly and rested my head against his chest. With that minor show of weakness, his arms closed around me, and a gentle paw touched my head as he mumbled my name.

"I was goin’ to the basin - you wanna come wit’?" I asked, tilting my head back to look up at him.

He just nodded and grabbed me some cleaner clothes. Picking up a metal bar for dealing with the inmates, he wrapped an arm around me in support. We walked slowly down the walkway to the bottom of the pit, Dog snarling at the one inmate who looked out of the steam at us - he bolted at the sound, but Dog remained wary. Dog averted his eyes as I sat down to take my boots off, and then turned his back completely as I slipped into the water and drew the shirt I was wearing off.

I just grinned as I unzipped my pants and wiggled out of them under the water. I dropped the soaked material over the edge of the basin, and pulled a face as I did so; they were fucking filthy, and not only with dirt and ash. I flinched as the heated water ran over my back and swore softly, causing Dog to face me with one huge hand clamped over his eyes.

"You ok, Jack?" he rumbled, and I snorted with laughter.

"What would you do if I said no, Dog? Feel for me in the water?" I asked.

His fingers split apart slightly and I laughted as he peered out at me through the gap in his fingers. Dog growled faintly and crouched down beside the basin, muttering about my smart mouth as he did. I tilted my head back and smoothed my hands over my hair as I wet it. When I looked back at Dog, I crossed my arms over the rocky edge and rested my chin on them.

Dog stared at me; at the bruises I knew I had on my face. At the teeth marks that had broken the skin in the dip between my throat and shoulder. I just stared back, and when he averted his eyes, I reached out and touched his bowed head with my fingers. Dog looked up slowly and I shook my head as he went to avert his gaze again.

"It wasn’t your fault, Dog," I said quietly, and held up a hand when he went to speak. "No! What could you have done? The hounds were out, and the guards had their guns set on lethal… you would have died. I… I don’t blame you for this. None of you."

Dog reached out and carefully touched a bruise on my jaw, and I held the flinch of pain I felt inside. Dog shook his head slowly, and chewed his lip as he stared at me. When he spoke, it was so quietly I could barely hear him.

"I could hear you screamin’, Jack… all I could think was, when I got to you would I find you like I’d found Kelly? Would yet another child of mine die in my arms? Would I be too late again?"

I blinked back tears and reached up to grasp his hand as it lingered on my jaw. I closed my eyes and pressed my face into his palm. I shook my head slowly as I heard him inhale a shaky breath. I kissed his palm, and his fingers stroked my cheek carefully. When his hand finally slid from my face, Dog motioned for me to turn around as he held a bottle of soap up. I did as he asked, and when his hands began to rub my hair, I sighed slightly. I had no clue as to where the soap had come from, and when I asked him, he mentioned the little man.

"Matheson… Pops… he’s always givin’ me little things. Askin’ if I’ve eaten enough, or if I want another blade made. He’s lonely…" I murmured, and Dog mumbled in agreement as he worked his fingers through the knots in my hair.

"Rinse…"

I glanced over my shoulder at Dog, and snorted with laughter again when I saw that he has his hand firmly over his eyes. His face contorted into a scowl for a moment, and my laughter cut off as I ducked under the water. But when I resurfaced, it bubbled free once more.

"Shut up, Jack," he muttered, and when his fingers parted again, I almost slipped under the water from trying not to laugh.

Dog just glared at me, and shook his head. I bit my lip and batted my eyelashes at him, and it was then that he snorted with laughter himself. I could see the stress from the last few days melting away from him as we chuckled, and a few moments later, Dog sighed.

"Dog… can you wash my back, please?" I asked, and he nodded.

I crossed my arms over my chest, more so for him than myself, and stood up in the hip deep water. His hands gathered my hair up and smoothed it down over my shoulder, before he carefully laid his hands on my back. I couldn't hide this flinch, and his apology was mumbled as he carefully washed my back.

"Jack?"

I glanced at Dog over my shoulder as he averted his gaze. I could see him fighting with himself as I sank back into the water and turned to face him. Dog finally met my gaze; he was pale when he spoke.

"Did he… fuck, Jack…" Dog dragged his hand down over his face. "Did he…. did he?"

I know what he was unable to voice, and shook my head slowly.

"No. He didn't rape me, Dog."

Dog swallowed and held my gaze for a moment.

"Do you promise?" he mumbled, and I nodded.

"Dog… out of our whole dysfunctional psycho fuck family… you’d be the only one I’d tell the truth to in that regards. I swear… he didn't."

His eyes slid shut and he slumped into himself; his hand clenched around mine when I reached out to him, and he just shook his had when I murmured his name. He sat back up a moment later, and his face remained troubled as we stared at each other.

"What did he do to you, Jack?" he asked.

I looked away from the concern in his eyes, and when he gripped my hand in his, I spoke flatly.

"He used a shiv on me at first - retribution for all the cuts I’d made on his toy. Jerked off against my stomach and used my blood as lube. Tried kissin’ me… and when I cut him from eye to ear, he jammed the bit in my mouth. He told me that he was gonna keep me muzzled like a bitch in heat.

"Then he used the shiv on me again… slobbered all over me as he did it. He told me he was gonna keep me chained to the roof, and let his boys take it in turns... a new type of recreational sport. He asked me if I was sorry for what I had done to his toy - I told him if I got the chance, I was gonna do it all over again."

I laughed bitterly, and Dog's massive hand brushed the side of my face again. I didn't call Dog 'Daddy' for nothing at times, and I looked at him and spoke softly.

"He tried, Dog. He couldn’t get it up. Blamed me for it, and said if I was more like the women he was used too, he’d be able to fuck me six ways to Sunday. I laughed at him; told him that erectile failure was a sign of a weak man, and that if he did get it up, he wouldn't know what the hell to do with it anyway. That's when he used his fists on me."

Dog swore, and glanced away as a muscle in his jaw ticked. When he was finally calm, he looked back at me, and nodded.

"Dog... how long?" I asked.

He swallowed and I barely heard his answer.

"Two days. We got you back nearly two days ago, Jack."

I just nodded; that's why I was so thirsty. Hungry? Not so much.

"Jack?"

"Yeah?" I mumbled as I crossed my arms over the edge of the basin again.

"Who’s Rick?"

I frowned slightly, and rested my chin on my arms.

"Just a man, Dog."

"You want to find him… don’t you?" he said quietly, and I looked up at the tone of his voice.

"You can’t find ghosts, Dog. They’re invisible, you know? You can’t see them, no matter how much you wish they’d appear. So you leave them be… and maybe one day you’ll see them glow in the dark. Maybe they'll reappear, so that you know it wasn’t a figment of your imagination. That you did mean somethin’… once," I said quietly.

"Who is it that haunts you then, Jack?" he pressed.

I shut my eyes as Dog’s fingers closed over my arm, and shook my head.

"Just a ghost, Dog… that’s what he is… a ghost. You wouldn’t see him, even if he was standing right beside you. You don’t see him. Not unless he wants you too," I muttered.

"Where is he, Jack?"

I shrugged, even as I rested my chin back on my arms.

"I don’t know, Dog. He... he died a long time ago for me. He exists now… in my memories. Maybe that’s all he ever was… a dream."

"Does Kain know him?"

I shook my head slightly.

"No… no, he was part of my life before Kain - back when I was a child."

"How long did you know him for? This… Rick?"

"Not long; he saved me, and then he was gone. Dog… what’s the sudden interest in my past?" I asked, and he flinched slightly.

"You mentioned him the other night."

I just nodded and shot Dog a grin.

"You might wanna close your eyes, Dog… I’m gettin’ out of the water."

"Smart ass," he muttered, but shut them anyway as I stood up.

He held my clean top out to me, and I wiggled into it, muttering about wet bodies and dry clothing being a pain in the ass to get into as I did. He just laughed, and kept his eyes shut as I climbed out of the water and wiggled into my pants.

When I told him to open his eyes again, I was using the shirt to dry my feet before I slipped my boots back on. That done, I tilted my head to the side and twisted the water out of my hair. I shoved it up into a messy ponytail on top of my head, and he handed me some leather ties to keep it there.

"Do you know where the rest of my shit is?" I asked, and he nodded slowly.

"Matheson took it… said he'd repair the damage the Boss did when he cut it off you," Dog said.

He glanced at my dirty pants as I picked them up and tossed them into the water to wash them. He didn’t ask and I didn’t volunteer as I scrubbed them clean. He just held his hand out for them when I was finished. He supported me as we walked back to the pit, and I gestured to our hole.

"Go back to sleep, Dog. I won’t be long - I’m just goin’ there," I said, pointing out Pops' cell. Dog nodded, and stayed put as I made my over to the cell I knew almost as well as my own.

"Knock knock, Pops," I murmured, and Pops smiled at me as he beckoned me into his cell.

He spread his blanket for me, and I sat down beside him with a sigh. He poured some steaming liquid into a small tin cup, and then handed it to me carefully. His version of tea; I don’t ask what’s in it - I really don’t want to know. But it’s hot, it doesn’t taste all that bad, and it spread warmth inside of me where it was cold.

"You gave a lot of us a scare, young Jack," Pops murmured, and I just nodded.

"I know," I said finally, and he nodded slowly as he sipped his own tea.

"Dog said you have my gear?" I asked, and his weather beaten face split into a smile.

"I made you a new blade, Jack," he said as he unwrapped a bundle of leather and metal.

I nodded as he held my collection of weapons and the leather arm guards I wore. I sighed in relief as I slid my hands into the warn leather. Pops had made me these not long after I had first arrived, and they protected my hands and lower arms from a shit load of things. Like a pair of fingerless gloves, they ran from my elbows to the backs of my hands and they fit me like a second skin.

I smiled wryly as I buckled the leather shut and then flexed my hands. I tucked a curved shiv into a reinforced pocket that was sewn into the back of my pants. A long slender pick tool was slipped into the inner side of my arm guard. I looked up as Pops sighed. He reached into the baggy pockets of his pants and withdrew a shiv I hadn’t seen in months.

Twin blades that were an inch wide and several inches long; they split into a V shape, yet could become a single blade too. It was designed to fit my hand, and I never had trouble with this baby. I shook my head as I took it from him and turned it over. This was my shiv of choice, and one, I had missed.

"Where’d you find it?" I asked, and Pops just smiled.

"I took back from who had stolen it in the first place," he said quietly. I stared at him for a long moment, and then nodded as I tucked it into the waist band of my pants.

"The boss man destroyed your other blade - so I made you a new one," he said, and I grinned as he handed it over.

The blade that slid along my teeth I was familiar with, and I tested it’s sharpness before rinsing it in my tea. It felt familiar in my mouth, and I ran my tongue along its flat edge for a moment before nodding. I handed my cup to Pops and sat back down beside him. He refilled my cup, and then handed me a small plate of white meat, the two of us sitting in silence for a moment.

"Thanks for this, Pops… and for the soap," I said, and he nodded as he looked me over silently.

I nibbled at the meat, and washed it down with the tea. It came from creatures that ran the halls of this slam; catch them, and you roast them. They sure as shit don't taste like chicken, but beggars can't be choosers.

"What would you do if you were free, Jack?’ he asked, and I laughed softly.

"Buy some new pants that don’t smell like sulfur!" I said with a grin, and he hooted with laughter as he nodded in agreement.

"You’ve been such a breath of freedom for me, Jack. I forgot what youth looked and sounded like, until you came here. You saved my life in a way, Jack - reminded me that I still had a life," he muttered, and I clucked my tongue cheekily.

"Tsk… stop it! You’re makin’ me blush!" I said with a grin, and Pops laughed softly.

"You have… you never treated me like I was an animal," he said, looking down at his hands.

I just stared at him, and shook my head slowly.

"How could I, Pops, when I’m in here for the very same thing? Look… I know right from wrong. I know good from bad from evil… we’re just… you’re not an animal, Pops. The animals in here? They’re the ones who don’t respect the code… the ones who would slit your throat for your boots… the ones who die in here a lot faster than the rest of us.

"I didn’t want this life… to be hunted down and caged like an animal. To have to walk with one eye in the back of my head. I was sent here, to be broken. But I’m stronger than that… I’ve proven that. And if I’m gonna die here, Pops? It’s gonna be by my terms… no one else’s. Fuck that."

Pops nodded thoughtfully, and sighed.

"I’m old, Jack… I’m nearing sixty. I’ve been in here for nearly thirty years now, and the only reason I’m still alive, is because the cons know they can come to me for weapons against the scum and the hounds and the guards. You are the only person in here, who ever made me feel like I was worth somethin'. I thank you for that, Jack."

I could only stare at him and shake my head, even as he nodded and smiled sadly. I didn’t know what to say; what can you say to that?

"Pops… who took my shiv?" I asked finally, and he sighed heavily.

"Kyra had it," he said quietly, and I swore angrily.

"Fuckin’ bitch! What else has she taken from me, Pops? She tried takin’ Kain and when he told her to fuck off, she tried takin’ my place wit’ Dog. Now she takes the first shiv you ever made me? That ain’t right."

I swore again softly, and shook my head as I sipped my tea. Pops just patted me on the knee, and I smiled wryly.

"Sorry, Pops, it’s just that… you and Dog never liked her - not from the day she got here. She sure as hell fucked me over, didn’t she? Where is the little hellion anyway? I think it’s high time, she got an ass kicking."

Pops shook his head, and I saw anger in his eyes.

"She’s gone, Jack. She left about two days after the Boss took you. She cut out of here with Guv and a few of the others."

I just shook my head again, and rose to my feet.

"Shit… look, Pops… I’m gonna go and find something to kick, ok? This has really pissed me off, and I’m not in the right mind frame for company, let alone company the quality of yours. Can I come back later?"

He nodded and I knelt to kiss his leathery cheek, before I made my out of the cell. I took two steps towards my own cell and then paused, before kicking the rail and swearing again. Shoving my hands through my hair I took a deep breath. My anger wouldn't get me anywhere - not anymore. Glancing over at my cell, I saw that Dog and Maniac were both awake and watching me; I pointed to my right, and they nodded.

I made my up the walkway silently, and over to the cell Kyra had taken after I discovered what she had been doing to me - to all of us. A metal cup sat on a rocky ledge, its edge jaggered and broken and stained with blood. I glanced at it as I made my way further into the cell, and shook my head. Some of her clothes were still heaped in the corner, and I crouched down and sifted through them slowly.

I found the length of chain that I thought I’d lost and swore again as I set it aside. We were a similar size, so I gathered up her spare pants and tops, and set them aside too. There was nothing else of mine in her belongings, and I stood up and dusted my hands off.

I turned towards her bed, and I’d taken two steps when I was grabbed from behind, and pushed face first against the wall. A foot kicked both of mine apart so that my legs were outside of the feet that stepped between my own. A body leant against me for a moment as a hand slipped under my jaw and forced my head back against a broad shoulder.

I braced both hands against the wall and shoved backwards with all of my strength, and the hand around my throat tightened in warning. I stilled under the pressure and the hand relaxed. Bad mistake. I rammed my elbow back as hard as I could, and heard the grunt the man behind me gave as I collected his jaw with my elbow.

A hand locked over my wrist and slammed it back against the wall, as the other hand left my throat and dragged my free hand up to meet it. Even as I twisted to try and break free, my wrists were slowly gripped tighter and tighter until I cried out.

"Stay…still… I’m not gonna hurt ya… Jack…"

It was murmured in my ear, and I shuddered as the hand gripping both of mine let them go slowly and drifted back down to my throat. Once more, my head was tilted back against the broad shoulder behind me. The hand remained still once my head was resting against the shoulder it had been pushed against. A thumb scraped along my jaw, but it stopped still when I flinched after it had brushed over a bruise.

I couldn’t see who was pressing me so tightly against the wall, and I was blinded by darkness and the position my head was held in. I was stuck in this position, and other than screaming, something I'd never do, there was nothing I could do until the person holding me moved - then, I was going to kick his nuts up into his gut - not hurt me? Yeah right.

I swallowed slightly as the hand dropped to the base of my neck, and when I went to lift my head, it pressed against me in warning, so I stilled once more. Something brushed the side of my neck, and I heard the man behind me inhale slightly, before his hand tilted my chin up so that it settled on his shoulder once more.

We stayed like this for a long moment; me pressed between the rock of the wall and the rock that was his body. His hand resting against the base of my throat, and his chest rising and falling slowly. His breath brushed my cheek and his voice rumbled softly in my ear when he finally spoke. I could only close my eyes when I heard what he said.

"Where can I get eyes like that?"