Finding Home

6. Holding Pattern

Bethany walked back from the medical wing in a fog. She'd just finished her seventh appointment with Stan Bickers, and she was feeling much better. She was able to sleep, though she credited Red with some of that. She'd been falling asleep in his arms most nights. After he brought her back to her own room, the comforting smell of his body and his cigars clung to her clothing and her hair. She was able to imagine that he was still close-by. Stan was helping her make sense of the rest of it, but today he'd asked about her mother.

She had gotten used to talking about the incident at her mother's funeral, and even about those early, confusing days on the run. He hadn't asked about any of that, though. He'd wanted to know if Bethany had grieved the loss. Bethany had told him that she had.

As she walked back to her room she wasn't sure. Everything had been so muddled in those first days after the funeral. She knew the focus had been on avoiding the press, avoiding the crazies, and after she and her father escaped, on avoiding notice. She'd had to learn a new name, a new history and somewhere in all that her mother seemed to have gotten lost. She didn't know what that all had to do with the werewolves, but Stan seemed to know what he was doing. He did say he would be clearing her for fieldwork after three more sessions. She hoped there wouldn't be a mission until that happened. Watching Red leave would put knots in her stomach. Logically, that made no sense. It wasn't like she could take care of him, but there was something about being there.

The smell of Chinese food hit her as soon as she stepped onto the living unit, and it snapped her out of her reverie. Davis was waiting at her door with several paper bags in hand.

“Hi.” Bethany tried to hide the suspicion in her voice.

“Hi.” Davis seemed uncertain herself. “I thought you might like to have some lunch with me. I think it might have gotten a little cold, though.”

“I have a microwave.” Bethany lead the agent inside and let her start unpacking the food. “Who else is coming?” She smiled a little. Davis smiled back.

“I wasn't sure what you liked.”

“You could have asked.” Bethany put several of the paper cartons in the microwave and turned it on.

“What would you have said?”

“Fair enough.” Bethany's claws had definitely been out for the past few days. She was sure part of it was the stress, part of it was the fact that she and Red had been interrupted at such a crucial moment. None of that was really Davis' fault, but Bethany had always had a difficult time reconciling with people she had pushed away. She traded the now warm food for some that was tepid and got out plates and cutlery. “I have soda, coffee or orange juice.”

“Whatever you're having.” Davis sat down. Bethany poured soda for both of them and dug up some serving spoons. It wasn't like she did a great deal of entertaining, she found herself woefully lacking in utensils. The two women served themselves silently.

“I'm not good at relating to people.” Davis started. “When I was assigned here I was mad. It's not what I wanted, and I felt like all my training was going to waste.”

“I suppose they don't teach classes in mollifying irascible aerokinetics.” Bethany smiled a little, Davis smiled back.

“Not exactly. Though they're very big on keeping superiors happy. At first I bought into what Manning was telling me. Then we went to France, and I got some idea of what you guys do.” Bethany didn't need to ask what Manning's opinion of her was. The few times she'd had to deal with him, she found him to be openly contemptuous of Red, and only slightly less so to Abe and her. “I really was just concerned about you the other morning. I had no idea you and HB were like that.”

“We weren't until about thirty seconds before you two walked in.” Bethany smiled a little. Davis glanced up at her. “I mean, physically. The emotional part of it was there for awhile I guess. I'm not really good with feelings sometimes.”

“You really just slept.” The agent said.

“It's not as juicy as what's going around, but, the truth usually isn't.” Bethany smiled a little.

“And then Myers and I blunder in like scolding parents.” Davis sat back in her chair. “No wonder you were so upset.”

“Logically I know you didn't plan it that way.” Bethany said.

“I would've been just as mad.” The was a little silence that grew between them.

“What did you want to do before?” Bethany asked. It was the first personal question she had ever asked of Davis, and she wasn't sure how it would be received. Bethany braced herself for rejection.

“Profiling.” She answered, a little smile on her lips. “Now I don't know if I'd be any good at it. I never could figure you out.”

“Well, my father taught me all about misdirection from the time I was six.” She laughed softly. “Maybe I'm not the best test.”

By the end of the afternoon, Bethany still wasn't certain that she trusted Davis, but at least she didn't feel like the other woman was her enemy anymore. Myers was a different story, but she hoped that he would eventually relax a little around her.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Bethany relaxed against Red's warm side. They were supposedly watching TV, but neither one was really paying attention. The silences between them were back, but now they were comfortable silences. When a commercial came on, Bethany got up and put his stainless steel popcorn bowl back on the cart.

“Be back in a minute.”

“Where you goin'?” He grabbed her hand lightly.

“To the bathroom.” She was getting used to the possessive side of him.

“What, you think I go in a bucket? Use mine.”

“Your bucket?” Bethany smirked.

“My bathroom.” He looked at her from under heavy brows.

“I don't like your bathroom.” She sat down again.

“What's wrong with it?”

“Nothing, except there are piles of towels and clothes everywhere. I always feel like creatures live under them and they're just waiting for the right moment to spring out and grab me.” She was still smiling slightly. He was fighting a little smile himself.

“It's past their bedtime. 'Sides, they all know if anyone's gonna grab you, it's gonna be me.” He smirked, Bethany couldn't help but blush a little. She looked away.

“Well, I hope they all got the memo.” She kissed his cheek and got up. Part of her reluctance was the mess in the bathroom. Part of it was because she felt that his bathroom was his private space, and even though they were getting closer she didn't want to just intrude on his space without an invitation. When she got back, she curled up against him again. He waited until she was comfortable, then tugged up her right pants leg, revealing her calf.

“Hey!” She giggled and covered her leg again. He smirked, ignored her protest and lifted the front of her t-shirt and tank top, exposing just a couple inches of skin. She pushed against his shoulders and curled up a little, giggling even harder.

“What was in that popcorn?” She laughed.

“Nothin'.” He grinned and lifted her right sleeve.

“Then what are you doing?” She squirmed in a different direction, still giggling.

“Makin' sure nothing crawled out and got ya.” He reached for her left sleeve, Bethany backed away quickly and held it in place.

“Nothing did.” She tried to maintain her smile, but he caught the change in her immediately. She had never pulled away from him before. “Just like you said, they were all sleeping.” She looked away.

“I saw it happen.” He said quietly.

“Then you don't need to see it again.” Bethany said firmly.

“And after we got back.” He moved closer.

“You saw the bruises after we got back, the rest was covered.” She knew hiding the newly-formed scars was silly, but she still had a hard time looking at them herself. She was certain if he saw them he'd be disgusted. She wasn't sure she could stand that.

“Fine. You think the rest is gonna scare me?” She turned and looked at him. Her heart was pounding in a rhythm somewhere between anger at him for being so insistent and fear that her refusal would upset him. He already looked hurt.

“No, but-”

“Then why hide it?” Bethany didn't have an argument. She turned so that he had a good view, looked away and pulled the t-shirt over her head and sat there in her tank top, waiting for his reaction.

Abe had done the best he could, but the wounds had been a ragged mess to start with. One began just above the point where her shoulder joined her body. One was more toward the front of her arm, the other was toward the back. They weren't as deep as the one in the middle, but they had still required stitches. All three of the twisted as they descended, with the middle and front one continuing to almost her elbow, getting shallower as they went. Now, they had healed to dark, purplish red scars that stood out, bright and accusatory, against her mostly pale skin. She started to shiver a little, certain that he was trying to figure out a nice way to tell her to get out. After a little eternity, Bethany couldn't take the silence anymore. Her muscles were tensed to get up when his lips grazed the top of her shoulder softly.

Bethany was used to him being bold and brash. His sarcasm was as much a part of the fabric of her day as her own was. The intensity of his tenderness still made her head spin though. She turned toward him again, her heart was still pounding, but that was because his mouth was still toying with the skin on her shoulder. He pulled her closer, and Bethany curled up against him.

“Hide from anybody else, but don't hide from me.” He murmured close to her ear. Bethany's arms tightened around him for a moment.

“It's embarrassing. The first time I go anywhere this happens.” She shrugged her shoulder. “By the time I've been active for a year I'll be more scar than skin.” He chuckled and let her relax next to him again.

“Nah. I just won't let you get that close to anything dangerous again.” She saw the little smirk. He was baiting her, and she knew it. That wasn't going to stop her from playing along though.

“You won't let me?” She moved back, a little smile on her lips. “How ya gonna stop me?” He shrugged a little.

“Like this.” Bethany knew his left arm tightened around her waist, but beyond that she couldn't clearly define how she ended up on her back with him looking down at her. He was grinning. “Think it'll work?”

“Well, at least until I figure out how you did it.” She laughed. He settled next to her, his hand on her waist.

“Kiddo, I eat meals that weigh more than you do. Even if I told you AND drew you a chart, you'd still end up right where you are now.” His thumb softly stroked her waist, and her body began to react. Bethany became acutely aware that she was missing a layer of fabric between her hardening nipples and his roving eyes. His lips found hers. Bethany sighed, her lips parted easily for his probing tongue, one hand moved over his firm chest. Her tongue sparred with his until he growled softly against her mouth. Her back arched and she surrendered again.

There was something different this time though. Usually, his hand wandered over her back or twined in her hair. Now, his fingertips explored her side and the planes of her stomach. The light touch made her shiver with pleasure and uncertainty. As those exploring fingers moved up over her ribcage Bethany gasped softly.

“I-” She whispered the single syllable against his mouth. She was surprised with the tremor she heard there.

“I know.” He let his lips and his fingertips linger where they were until she relaxed. He sat up and let her settle against his right side. She relaxed, her body molded to his. Bethany's eyes closed, she heard him light a cigar. For a few minutes, they were both silent as Bethany regained her composure.

“Whatever happened to my shirt?” She asked.

“You're wearin' it.” He said. “If you weren't, I'd be starin'.”

“I meant the other one.” Bethany felt a blush coloring her cheeks as she laughed, then she started looking around.

“Oh, that one.” He glanced around. They spotted it at the same time. A large calico cat was happily clawing and biting at the wad of yellow cloth. “Ah, you sure you want it back now?” Bethany heard the fabric rip before she could respond.

“There's one of your shirts laying right next to it.” She sighed.

“Yeah, but you smell better than me.”

“I know that, but they live with you. They should be used to the way you smell.” Bethany pretended to pout a little. Red gave her a flat look.

“Remind me why I keep you around.” He smirked.

“I make you laugh and in the right light I'm not half bad looking.” She smiled. He grinned and kissed her softly.

“You taste good too.” He smiled. “You want the shirt?”

“Nah, she's having too much fun with it.” The fabric ripped a little more, Bethany winced. Clothing was no longer as dear as it once was, but she had liked the lemony yellow color of that shirt. She smiled up at him. “Besides, gives me an excuse to stay like this awhile.” She put her head down again and he kissed the top of her head softly.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Hellboy was nearly finished with his second cigar, and he thought about lighting another, just to have an excuse to keep her like this a little while longer. He didn't think that she would mind. She was smiling a little in her sleep. When she sighed softly, he knew that if he didn't take her back to her room, he was going to put her in his bed. That would take some fast explaining when she woke up.

He knew she wasn't ready for anything more physical, even if he'd stopped her before she could say it. That didn't keep him from thinking about it all the time. He'd thought about it with Liz too, but it had always felt like one of those things that would never happen. Even when he and Liz were close he'd known it. He just hadn't wanted to admit it to himself. It didn't feel that way with Bethany. He looked down at her and noticed her eyebrows were drawn together, she had caught her lower lip between her teeth and was biting down. She whimpered softly.

“S'okay.” He murmured against the top of her head. His tail tightened around her waist. A little tremor coursed through her body, but she started to relax again. She never talked about the dreams and he never asked, but he noticed she calmed more easily in the last couple of nights. Her arm tightened around his waist, her back arched, her body pressed more firmly against his before relaxing again. He knew she was sound asleep, but that didn't stop his body from reacting. The tension in her forehead eased. He kissed the top of her head.

Maybe he wasn't ready to take things further yet, either. Bethany wasn't one of the 'curious' female agents who came onto him every so often. They all knew exactly what they wanted and how to get it. He never thought of them as anything other than a way to scratch an itch and he was sure they didn't think of him at all after they'd dressed and left. He knew his place in the scheme of things, and so did they. Bethany hadn't read that script, and the last thing he wanted from her was an impersonal fuck.

He put out the cigar and got up. Bethany moaned softly and curled close to him when he lifted her.

*~*~*~*~*~*

The alarm woke Bethany out of a deep sleep at a little after six in the morning. She didn't remember Red bringing her back to her room, but she usually didn't. She pulled on some clothes and ran her fingers through her hair on the way to the conference room. She didn't have medical clearance. Technically she didn't need to respond, but she had been half dressed before she remembered that. Getting undressed and going back to bed seemed silly at that point.

Sleepy agents were trickling in. Manning, the professor and Abe were already there. She smiled at the professor, but didn't want to interrupt his conversation with Manning. Instead, she greeted Abe.

“Good morning.” He tilted his head and looked at her curiously. “You don't have medical clearance, do you?” Bethany knew he was well aware of her situation. He was another reason she was healing so quickly.

“No, but it wasn't like I was going to be able to go back to sleep anyway. Besides, you know I'm fine, so does the professor. Can't one of you-”

“No.” Abe replied firmly. “I know you're doing very well, but ten sessions is a bare minimum for someone who went into the kind of shock you did. Most agents would have required much more time.”

“Most agents don't have you and the professor as well as Stan.” She was trying to sound reasonable and keep the pout out of her voice.

“And we're very pleased that you've been able to use our assistance.” Abe nodded. “In three days, you'll have your clearance back.”

“But-”

“But nothin'.” Red's baritone voice said from behind her. Bethany turned quickly. “You ain't cleared, you ain't goin'.” He kissed her softly. It was nothing more than a chaste peck on the lips, but it drew stares from several of the agents. Bethany and Red stared back until the others turned away. Most of them had the decency to look embarrassed.

“You both know I'm fine.” She sat down.

“Yeah, and you'll still be fine in three days.” He opened a can of Red Bull and drained most of the contents in a single swallow. She thought about having some coffee, but the coffee at these meetings was invariably awful. She was probably going to go back to bed again anyway. Bethany halfway heard the description of an imp causing trouble in a nearby community. Mostly she watched Red watch her. She knew he had only been half joking about keeping her away from anything dangerous, but from the glances he was giving her she didn't think he was thrilled about leaving her completely alone while he was out chasing after something either. That didn't entirely make sense to Bethany. They had started spending almost every evening together, but during the day they rarely saw each other. Maybe he liked having the option of seeing her if he wanted.

Finally, Manning finished. And the room emptied out. He followed Bethany back to her room and shut the door behind himself.

“Shouldn't you be getting ready?” She smiled and stood on tiptoe so he could kiss her properly. She sighed when his lips captured hers.

“I'm always ready.” He smiled.

“Silly me.” She laughed and let him pick her up. Her legs wrapped around him, his stone arm supported her. He had held her like this once before. She knew it was more comfortable for him with their height difference, but it made Bethany feel very vulnerable and uncertain. As he held her though, that feeling of uncertainty faded and she relaxed into him while his lips played with hers. Bethany started to wonder exactly how long he was going to be gone. Her lips were too occupied to ask.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Bethany tried to go back to bed, but the memory of Red's kisses kept pleasant butterflies in her stomach. She lounged around in her pajamas for most of the morning, then went to her appointment with Stan. She tried to convince him to clear her early, but he held his ground. She didn't really have it in her to fight about it. She answered his questions and promised to think about making a plan to continue therapy after she was cleared for fieldwork again. Her first instinct was to say she wouldn't be continuing, but thought that he might use that as a reason to hold up her clearance.

Afterward, she looked for Davis and found her doing paperwork in her small, gray office. She still wasn't particularly close to her liaison, but both had begun to make efforts to move in a friendly direction.

“Have time for a run?” Bethany asked.

“I wish.” The agent sighed. “For a secret agency the BPRD generates a TON of paperwork.”

“Secret or not, it's still the government.” Bethany smiled a little, so did Davis. “Can I help at all? I mean, it's not like I have anything on my agenda for today.”

“Against the rules.” Davis smiled. “Thanks though.”

“Anytime.” The agent looked like she had something else to say, so Bethany lingered in the doorway. “What?” She asked finally.

“Glen Kelleher is trying to get himself on the field team.” Davis said. Bethany's stomach flipped, but she tried to focus on all the perfectly rational reasons Glen might have for wanting to be in the field.

“So? Maybe he's bored.” She said finally.

“He's a possessive bastard is what he is.” Davis answered. “It's eating him up that you just walked away from him without so much as a contrite expression. I know he's heard about the kiss by now, too.”

“What kiss?” Bethany asked, genuinely confused. Davis looked at her.

“This morning, in the conference room?” Bethany's face was still blank. “When HB came in-”

“People are talking about that? They need to get a life.” Bethany waved her hand dismissively. “Don't you think that you're reading a little too much into this, though? I mean, Glen barely knows me.”

“That's not the point. He took the whole thing as some kind of assault against his manhood. If HB was just another guy, it would have been bad enough. Because he isn't-” She tossed her pen on the desk. “To hell with this, let's go for that run. I'll explain then.”

*~*~*~*~*~*

The two women set an easy pace and chose one of the wooded trails. Bethany still felt a twinge about going into the trees, but it passed and her step didn't hesitate. After the first quarter mile, Bethany made sure a cool breeze was moving over the backs of their necks. Not cold, but cool enough to keep exertion pleasant. Both women were silent until they reached the half-mile point.

“You're doing that, aren't you?” Davis asked.

“Doing what?” Bethany asked.

“That breeze.”

“Oh, yeah.” Bethany blushed a little. “Is it bothering you?”

“No. It was just a little surprising. I guess I thought it was-” She searched for the right word. “Bigger, or something you hid more.” Bethany laughed.

“It's been hidden long enough. I guess I don't think about using anymore. If it makes life easier, I just do it.” She smiled.

“And that's part of Glen's fascination with you.” She said. “You think for yourself and he's used to being in control in a relationship.”

“Okay, so that just says that I'm obviously not for him.” The whole thing made no sense to Bethany. Even when they were supposedly getting closer she'd spent less time with Glen in a week than she had with Red.

“No, that says to him that he's got to make you see it his way. You've become a challenge. Besides, the way I heard it, you had an audience when you walked away from him.”

“He's the one who picked the time and place. He thought I was just going to cower and beg his forgiveness?” Bethany was getting mad all over again.

“That's about it.” Davis said simply. “And the fact that you made it very clear that you prefer HB to him added insult to injury.”

“Great, so he's a nut. What's his being on the field team going to do for him?” Bethany asked.

“I have absolutely no idea. You're not equipped to go out on your own like HB is, and I know that he isn't going to let Glen or anyone else get near you. I don't know what Glen's plan is, I just know that he has one. He's too narcissistic for the timing of this to be coincidental.” Davis said.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Bethany showered and started cooking when she got back. She almost wished Davis hadn't said anything about Glen. Knowing made her think about it and that was useless because she couldn't do anything about it. After a quick search of her cabinets and a call to the main kitchen and she embarked on the most complex dish she could scare up the ingredients to make. It would at least allow her to concentrate on something else for awhile.

At around seven-thirty, all the prep dishes were washed, dried and put away, and her kitchen was back in order again. There were ten minutes left on the timer, and the table was set for one. This was Davis' night off. Agent Greg Barclay was on call, but she could barely pick him out in a crowd, she was relatively certain he had no idea who she was either. Bethany was surprised by a knock on the door. It was took light to be Red. She was surprised to see the professor standing there.

“I'm sorry to bother you, but are you responsible for that wonderful aroma?” He was smiling. She stepped aside and he entered.

“I guess so.” Bethany had been too busy to notice, she blushed a little at the compliment. “Would you like to join me? There's more than enough.”

“I would like that very much. What is it?” He asked.

“Sorry.” Bethany laughed and set an extra place on the table. “Seven layer lasagna with homemade sauce and fresh pasta. Daddy always liked it to be more meat than cheese, but I like it the other way.”

“Bethany, anything that smells that good must taste equally as wonderful.” He sat down. Bethany put a large bowl of salad and several kinds of dressing on the table.

“I hope so, because there is entirely too much of it.” Bethany laughed. She shut off the timer and took too large pans of lasagna out of the oven. “I thought you went with the others.”

“Not this time.” He served them each some salad. “I used to go on every field mission, but as the years have gone on I find myself being more selective.” Bethany put a slice of lasagna on his plate.

“Is that enough?”

“More than enough, thank you.” He smiled. “If it makes you feel any better, imps are on the lower end of what we deal with.”

“Then why is it taking so long?” She stabbed at the salad in her bowl and cursed herself for speaking so quickly.

“Because imps are sneaky and mischievous. Sometimes they can be charmed, but most of the time they must be beaten at their own game.” He took a bite of the lasagna. Bethany watched as his eyes closed and a little shudder of pleasure moved through his body. She smiled and looked down at her plate. “This is truly wonderful.”

“Thanks.” She was flushed with pleasure as she took a bite. It had come out beautifully. “Cooking for other people is one of the things I kinda miss.”

“You never mention missing anything.” He looked at her curiously.

“Because most of the time I don't.” Bethany said. “The longer I'm here the more I realize I never lived out there when I lived out there. I do miss cooking, and I miss gardening though.”

“Vegetables or flowers?” The professor asked.

“We grew vegetables mostly when we were going to be in one place for a season, but I always managed to mix a few flowers in there too.” Bethany smiled a little at the memory.

“I'll make arrangements for you to have some space outside.”

“I had no idea that was even an option.” She said. He smiled.

“Just about anything you could do as part of the the world, you can do here. Some of it just takes a little more planning.” They chatted amiably until both plates were empty.

“More?” She asked.

“Much as I might want to, I couldn't possibly.” He sat back in his chair. Before Bethany could offer him coffee, a commotion in the hall drew their attention. She had noticed that Red could be absolutely silent when he wanted to be, but most of the time he was the epicenter of mobile commotion. His firm knock came seconds later. Bethany opened the door to find him standing there wearing several slimy smears across his t-shirt and pants.

“You smell that?” He asked.

“Good evening to you too.” She smiled a little. He leaned forward and kissed her lightly, Bethany made sure she didn't brush against his clothes. “Hi.” He said to the professor.

“Glad to see you're back. I think the smell you mean is Bethany's lasagna.” The professor said.

“Yeah. You made that?” He came in and walked over the the stove.

“Yes, but it's gotten cold.” She stood between him and the food.

“So?” He moved to get around her.

“Well,” Her mind raced as she stared at his clothes. The odor that clung to him was just starting to hit her. “Well it's just not as good when it's cold-”

“Hellboy, Bethany is trying to tell you tactfully that you could use a bath.” The professor said, a little smile crinkled the corners of his eyes.

“Oh,” He looked down at himself like he was just seeing the mess for the first time. “Sorry.”

“I know you just got back, but if you want to get cleaned up, I'll reheat the lasagna and bring it over to you.” Bethany smiled shyly.

“You wanna stay for awhile?” He asked as he walked back to the door.

“Only if you want me to. If you're tired-”

“I ain't that tired.” He smiled. “Gimme forty-five minutes.”