Painless

“My epitaph shall say "and come what may"
With a grain of salt I walked away
Commit the past into blue flame
They're not crying - I'm not crying
We found you hiding - We found you lying
Unfazed Unchanged Tomorrows too late Into blue flame Tomorrows too late
With a grain of salt I walked away
With my eyes shut into the fray
The worlds on fire there's no turning back
An empty shell, from heaven I fell
With a grain of salt I walked away
Commit the past into blue flame
They're not crying - I'm not crying
We found you hiding - We found you lying
And Come What May
(No matter what may come What’s done is done)”


‘Come What May’ – Most Precious Blood

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I’m not really sure why I’m here. I know I have no where else to go, but this is not what I want. I don’t even know what I really want. I just know that this isn’t it.

Then just end it. Let go. You don’t have to stay.

I know. I just don’t know if I like the alternative.

Think about it. You’ll get your freedom. Freedom from pain, freedom from loneliness, freedom from everything.

I don’t have any pain. I have Jack, so I have to reason to be lonely. I don’t need to be free from everything.

Don’t fool yourself. I’ve noticed the throbbing in your chest, especially when your “friends” try to make you what they want you to be. You feel lonely weather Jack is there or not. So yes, you do need to be free from everything.

Whose side are you on anyway?

Our side.

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Of course Jack wanted to fix my hand. He always wants to fix me. I let him, I wasn’t in the mood to argue. The glass had embedded itself into the flesh of my hand, even after he was done there was still some left in there. He told me it would work its way out. I didn’t let him put bandages on my hand though. This made him angry. The bleeding didn’t stop at first and I wanted to watch it.

Somewhere between staring at the mangled skin and trying to block out the humming that felt like it was vibrating my whole body, I began to vomit. Jack tried to help me but I pushed him away this time. Before he got a chance to protest, the girl came over to help me. She had taken the basin from under the bed and was holding back my hair as I gave everything I had in my body to it. When I started to dry heave she rubbed circles on my back, trying to relax me.

The humming won’t stop. I can’t breath. I can’t scream.

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Make it stop. Just make it go away.

I can’t. It hurts so much.

Why? Why can I hear it? No one else can. I know it’s there.

I don’t know. It takes us over, refuses to stop.

It’s killing me.

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The girl sent Jack from the room for the night. It must have been obvious that he was making things worse. I felt as if I was breaking down, each moment corroding my mind. Soon there would be nothing left.

I need to get away. I don’t want to hide. I don’t want to cry. I just want to sleep.

The girl had been cradling me, trying to make me calm. I didn’t realize I was shaking until the boy commented on it.

I don’t blame Jack for wanting things to be the way they were. I want the same thing.

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I woke up next to the girl, whose name I still didn’t know. She had let me fall asleep holding her, my face buried in the nape of her neck. When I opened my eyes, she was looking at me, studying me. It turns out that Jack’s racket outside the door had woken us both up. He had been making the noises outside the door obviously hoping to get us to let him in.

I’ll give him this, he’s being a lot more patient out there than he should be.

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The way the boy was glaring at the door showed that he appreciated being woken up about as much as I normally do. He got up off of the floor to let Jack in. I didn’t remember if he had slept there during the night.

“Will, let me see your hand.” I sighed, the humming had lessened during the night but it was still there.

“Straight to the point, Jack. That’s a first.” He needed to hear that.

Ever hear of the phrase “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you”?

Shut up.

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Somewhere between the hurt looks Jack gave me and the humming in my head, I made him promise to send the boy and the girl to the ship so that we could take them somewhere else.

I don’t want them to end up like me.

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My heart beats so fast, the blood flow makes me dizzy. I’m wide-awake now, but I want to sleep. I can’t hide from something that is inside me. I need time to think. Not even that is given to me. hummhumming won’t let me formulate thoughts. I can’t escape it. Someone save me. Take away this lack of feeling, this overwhelming need to be free. Please just let me sleep. Let me drift away. I can’t see anything, my vision is bld bed beyond belief. I’m trying, I’m dying. I’m leaving if you let me. I can’t breathe fast enough to catch up to the rhythm that takes hold of my heart.

I can’t do this anymore.

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There is ace wce without a face, screaming and making ears bleed. Don't know, can't say where the days have left me.

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A/N: I’m throwing an idea around in my head. I’m wondering if I should separate the chapters into two separate parts. The first chapters from Will’s point of view stopping before the last chapter would be put in, then making the next chapters from Jack’s point of view leaving out the last chapter. Then I would make the last chapter go back and forth between points of views (labeled very well to avoid confusion). Just an idea. I don’t know if that would just kill the whole feeling of the story. As of right now it’s more of a no than a yes, mainly because I don’t know if I would dislike writing Jack’s POV that I would just give up and not give you a last chapter. I wouldn’t want to do that.

Also, right now the chapter was a lot shorter than I had intended. However, I’m having a very small anxiety attack (I guess that’s what it is) and I started to describe it when I was writing and then embellish on it. I just want to get this chapter posted and calm down. I need to calm down. My heart is beating a little quickly and rather loudly. It’s like I’m perpetually nervous, though I have nothing to be nervous about. Heh.

Anon: I woke up that morning and my mind insisted that I needed to use that line in this story. This is why no one talks to me when I first wake up.

Jessi: First the time machine to see Jack and Will’s babies, then we comfort the four. Priorities.

ElvenEyes:

* raises eyebrow * Exactly which finger did Will threaten you with, and what was he threatening to do with it?

I encourage you to bug me. Why? Because I have no life.

Seraphina: (I’m starting with your second review that was supposed to be the first part of the first one but didn’t make it) AH! You caught me! I knew jumping from past to present would catch up with me sooner or later. I wouldn’t be surprised if there are a lot more mistakes like that hidden in the rest of the sections. I’ve been trying to separate Will’s thoughts at the moment and his descriptions of what was happening from sometime in the future. Mainly I was doing it by giving them different paragraphs. I’ll fix that as soon as I can but it may take a day or two. This computer is hell.

(Now for the second part of the review that turned into the first review) Sometimes you analyze my writing and make me see things that I didn’t even realize were there. When I think about it, I mean to do it, but I never really know I’m doing it. I hope that makes some sort of sense. As for the humming, I’ve heard it before but not to the point were I couldn’t hear over it. So, I’m not sure if that means I’m going insane. It takes me a few minutes sometimes to realize that it is in my head or that I am being over sensitive to something that makes a humming noise (the lights at work, air conditioners, ceiling fans). Next chapter there will probably be something about the rhythm of certain things.

Roxie: I wouldn’t be as understanding either, but that is because I would know what is going on. Sooner or later I’ll give a little more insight to how Jack’s mind is working right now, including why he brought the whores to the room.