Ghost

9. Jack.

I could feel Riddick’s eyes on me, even from behind the goggles. They had been trained on me from the moment I had turned to face him in the control room. As we walked into the tunnel that led to the hanger. As I stood with Kain and took one last look at the slam I had been caged in. Eyes that shone in the dark; eyes that had once kept me safe in the dark. Even with a face of stone, I could somehow tell what he was feeling, and he was beyond angry.

I’d only ever seen that type of fury on him once before, and it had been just after he killed Johns. It was written all over him, but this time? It was directed at Kain. I didn’t understand it - any other men would have been given the kiss of death from him - a shiv to the sweet spot, without a moments hesitation. Yet Kain had stood beside me, with his arm draped casually around my shoulders.

I know that they had some sort of altercation - the cut on Kain’s shoulder proved that. I was almost too scared to ask what it had been about though. I know it had something to do with me; the question is though, what was said between them, that ended with blood? I know how protective Kain is of me, and I know what he’s capable of. But that said, I also know what Riddick is capable of, and if it came down to it? They’d tear each other apart. Neither would stop until the other was dead.

Riddick led us aboard a remarkable ship; where the hell had this thing come from? He spoke quietly to a man with a mowhawk, who nodded silently and led us further into the ship. We were directed to some flight seats, where Kain tugged me down onto his lap as he sat down. He was tense against me as we waited, and I ran my thumb over his hand to try and calm him as he turned his face towards me.

His jaw tightened for a moment as we stared at each other, and then he shook his head slightly - we’d talk later, when we could be sure of privacy. I closed my eyes and leaned into him as Kain tightened his grip around my waist, and the added weight of lift off started to press me into him as the whole ship shuddered. My back arched, pressing my butt against Kain’s groin, and he hissed in my ear and then nipped my neck in retaliation to what was happening to his body. I murmured an apology, and he licked the bite mark in return.

I could hear Maniac giggling, and I couldn’t help but open my eyes and look towards him. But when I opened my eyes as we lifted off of the surface of the planet and began the journey towards the stars, I saw Riddick looking straight at me. His head was tilted slightly as he studied me, almost as if trying to see what was within my head. He'd probably laugh if he could read my mind - he loved a good skull-fuck, and my mind was racing as fast as my heart was as I closed my eyes to block him out.

The pressure pressing me tightly against Kain reached its height, and I rested my head against his shoulder. Kain’s hands slipped against my stomach and rose to my ribcage, his knees tightening around my thighs slightly from where I sat with my legs between his. I kept my eyes closed until the ship slowly leveled off, and when it finally did, Kain’s arms tightened around me as I turned my face into the slope of his throat.

"Ok, baby girl?" he murmured, and when I shook my head, he brushed a reassuring kiss across the top of my head as I tried to control my inner child from having a complete and utter mental freak out.

It was a multitude of things; T2, what had happened there, and the recurring nightmares I had every now and then that thrust me back into the dark. Having to run for so long from my would-be-jailer, only to be caught and sent to slam. Having to constantly be on guard, and the deep seated fear that I would die. What had happened to me in the Boss’s room, and finding out how deep Kyra’s betrayal had really gone. Riddick.

I had long ago resigned myself to the fact that I would never see him again. My words to Dog had been honest - Riddick had been a ghost for me - I had laid him to rest in my mind the day I was lowered into Crematoria. I’d had too - with the payday on his head, I knew I would be tortured for his location if it ever became known that I had once traveled with him. He was my darkest secret and my biggest regret.

I have plenty of regrets; my last words to Imam, and running rather than trying to work something out. Trusting Kyra, only to find out that she was trying to tear my family apart. But above it all, was letting Riddick slip away from me that night, without a word. I highly doubt that I could have changed his mind on leaving, but that said, maybe he would have told me how to get ahold of him incase I ever needed to reach him.

As the years had slipped past, Riddick had slipped further and further into the darker parts of my mind. Doubt had plagued me for a long time - had he saved me on T2 because he wanted to, or because Carolyn had wanted him to? Did he keep me safe on board the ship where I'd met Bear because it was a part of his cover as Rick Johns, or because he really did want to save me from the dark?

Had he really left me behind, to save me from him? From becoming like him? Had he hidden because it's what he does best, or had he really hidden to keep the mercs away from me? To keep me safe? Did he realize that when he left, he broke my heart? That it still lies in pieces because of him? That he was the stability I needed, whether we were on the run or not? Did he know that I'd loved him once? Would he even care?

I felt Kain shift under me, and realized he was asking for somewhere we could sleep. When he stood up, he let me slip down his body until my feet touched the floor, his hands steadying me as I swayed slightly. His hand cupped my jaw and his eyes searched mine as he stared down at me silently. His jaw tensed and his gaze flicked towards Riddick, but he said nothing as we followed the commander of the ship, Vaako, down a corridor and into a small room with a built in bunk.

I crawled onto it on my hands and knees, and my body dropped onto the soft surface of the bunk with a groan. Kain rolled me towards the centre of the bed, and I felt the mattress dip slightly under me as Kain curled around me. In the dim light, with his arms wrapped around me, I sighed as I closed my eyes. I felt his hand slip under the top I wore, his hand calloused and familiar against my belly as he trailed his fingers back and forth along the waistline of my pants.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he asked quietly, as he nuzzled the side of my neck with his nose.

I managed a small smile - he’d always been able to sense when I was freaking out.

"Not really… I just wanna rest for a bit, Kain. I’m so damn tired," I whispered as I opened my eyes again, and felt him nod against the back of my neck.

"Want me to stay?" he asked a moment later.

I nodded, knowing he would stay until he thought I was asleep, and then he’d go and speak with Maniac, Dog and Link about what we were going to do when we reached our destination. His mouth brushed the back of my neck, and I swallowed hard against the tears that suddenly threatened to rise. Kain stayed with me for nearly an hour, and when I felt him shift behind me, I shut my eyes.

Calloused fingertips briefly touched my face, and then he rose to his feet and pulled the blankets from the end of the bed up over me and tucked them around me. I felt his breath sweep across my face as he brushed a soft kiss across my cheekbone, and then he silently left the room. Left in the dimly lit room, with nothing but regrets and memories to keep me company, I lost the battle with the tears I had been hiding since I was a child, and felt one slide down my cheek.

Riddick appearing out of no where in Crematoria had shaken me badly enough, but when I heard that he had mistaken Kyra for me? Well, that resulted in me doing what I do best - running my mouth. I’d told him more than I’d wanted too - but seeing him, smelling him and hearing that deep rasping voice had stirred up some damn painful memories, and I’d let my anger defeat me. But I’d always run my mouth - and he’d always run - what had changed? He’d always been about self preservation.

I wanted my mother - wanted to be able to talk to her and hear her voice and ask her opinion on this - but my mother had been dead for nearly six years now. I’d lost my mother two weeks before I bordered that ill fated flight where I had first met Riddick. It had always been the two of us - my father had died before I was born, and my mother did the best she could to arm me with the knowledge of the worlds as I grew up.

She had been a psychologist; a doctor who assisted children who came from abusive homes and who were victims of the system. That’s how I’d known what Riddick was when I first met him - I’d seen it in younger children. They passed in and out of my home all the time before my mother died; they had all had the same sense of self preservation, the same ability to close themselves off from human nature and become a machine, that Riddick had perfected as an adult.

My mother didn’t believe in shielding me from the harsh realities of life - she taught me everything she could think of about human nature, so that if something ever happened, I’d know what to do. So I’d know how to survive on my own. When she was killed on her way home from work one afternoon, Jackie died with her, and Jack was born. I can remember it all so clearly - her transport had collided with another transport, and my mother had died in the arms of a medic.

That same medic was the one who broke the news to me, and a few hours later, my house was swimming with strangers; government officials who were intent on putting me into the safety of the system. I wasn’t stupid - I knew what could happen to me as a girl in the system - so, I cut my hair off, tapped budding breasts flat, and ran. Became a boy, and booked myself onto a flight that was headed for the Tangier system where my grandmother lived.

I never ended up reaching that system; no, my life veered off course when the Hunter-Gratzner did, and I never managed to find that path of simplicity again. I walk a different path now, and it is stained with blood. I often wonder what my mother would think of the choices I've made - murder aside, would she be proud of the person I had become? Or the disapointment, that I always felt I had been to Imam and Riddick.

I look like her, you know? We have the same chin and cheekbones; the same dark hair and pale skin. But my eyes? They belong to my father. My mother had told me time and time again about my father - how his eyes always showed what he was thinking - that, they truly had been the window to his soul. His name was Jackson - and he died never knowing that he was going to be a father. My mother once told me that she could see him looking back at her through my eyes - that a tiny piece of his soul burned in me.

I felt weak - I hurt all over, and I was so tired. The last five years have taken their toll on me, and I could honestly curl up in a ball and sleep the rest of my life away. But, being as tired as I was, I went and did one better - the dam burst inside me, and I curled up in a ball and started to cry. Tears are a weakness, and one, I can’t and won’t use. I fought to make myself relax so that I’d sleep instead, and went under without another thought.

When I woke up again, my back was blanketed in heat, and the hair at the nape of my neck was ruffled with every breath that was exhaled against me. My eyes felt swollen and dry due to my tears, and I blinked them slowly as I arched my back. Strong fingers pressed against the kink in the middle of my back, and I groaned out my thanks as the area popped and the muscle relaxed.

"Hmmm… interesting… you don’t feel like a ghost, Jack."

Even as I began to roll away from him, Riddick straddled my thighs and pressed his hand between my shoulder blades, keeping me pinned in place with his weight. I tried to twist out from under him, and when that didn’t work, I tried shoving upwards with my arms. He growled softly as he settled his full weight onto my legs, and I buried my face in the pillow. Silence settled in the air, and I tensed when I felt his hands settle on the nape of my neck, and held my breath.

But he only pushed my hair off the back of my neck, and when his weight shifted, I heard a light exhale of breath. He breathed in deeply as he traced a straight line from between my shoulders to the back of my neck with his nose. His breath skittered across my neck as he breathed out, and I felt the pillow beside my face dip as he leaned forward and rested his head on it.

"Very interesting… you don’t smell like a ghost either, Jack. Open your eyes."

I managed to shake my head slightly, and he growled in my ear.

"Jack… I won’t ask again. Open your fuckin’ eyes."

I took a deep breath in the pillow, and slowly turned my face towards his voice as he muttered my name. When my cheek was resting on the pillow, I could only swallow when I finally did as he asked - his nose was only an inch from mine, and we were eye to eye as he stared at me. Twin pools of moonlight in the dark, and they narrowed slightly as we stared at each other.

"You scared of me now, Jack?"

It was growled out, and I couldn’t help the flinch that didn’t escape his keen gaze. A frown appeared on his face, and his hand lifted from my back. I closed my eyes as I swallowed and fought back tears as his fingertips came to rest on the edge of my jaw, and then slowly moved along it. I felt his hand still on my face at my second flinch, and a snarl echoed in my ears as Riddick’s hand cupped my chin.

"Has it really been that long, Jack, that you think I’d hurt you?" he bit out, and when I didn’t answer him, he growled again.

"I crossed the fuckin’ universe to find you, Jack. You think I’d do that, only to ghost your scrawny ass?"

My eyes snapped open and I could only stare at him; he growled softly as he lifted his weight fully from my body and laid down on his side beside me. He didn’t say anything when I shifted closer to the wall, but his eyes narrowed again. When I remained silent, he finally swore and began to speak.

"Imam knew where I was - and he never told me what had happened to you until I came back. If I’d known, you would have vanished; you’d never have seen the inside of that slam, and you’d never have been fucked up like this," he snarled, running a fingertip across the edge of my mouth.

"You would have frozen your ass off, but I would have kept you safe, and kept you innocent. But I didn’t fuckin’ know, Jack, and the minute I found out, I came for you. And what do I get in return? Skull-fucked! Attitude! And a fuckin’ headache."

"Need an afternoon nap do you, Riddick?" I muttered, and his hand stilled on my face.

"Still as mouthy as all hell," he murmured, and I glared at him when I heard the amusement in his voice.

"Why?" I finally asked, and he shrugged.

"Why? Fucked if I know, Jack. Carolyn asked me if I wanted to rejoin the human race - you showed me that I could."

"Why?" I asked again, and Riddick sighed heavily when he finally clued into what I was actually asking. Why had he come back for me…

"I ain’t ever cared ‘bout anyone but me. Never had anyone to worry about - it was me against the universe, and I liked it that way just fine. Then you survived T2. Showed me trust. You became a part of me, and no matter how hard I tried cuttin’ you out, you remained inside me like a fuckin’ parasite.

"I carried you with me, no matter where I went. Closed my eyes, and saw your face. Saw you out the corner of my eye, and when I turned around, you’d be gone. Listened for silence, and heard your voice. Scented the wind, and smelled you around me."

His eyes slowly became unfocused as he talked, and I realized it was the animal inside of him that was talking to me too. He leaned up on his elbow as he spoke in a controlled voice.

"You chased me across the fuckin’ universe, Jack, while stayin’ put in the light. For a while there, I hated you for that. Figured if I came back and killed you, I’d be free. Almost did. But I knew if I did that, I’d be killin’ myself too. The scent of your blood… the scent of you. Keep you safe… keep me safe too. Mine - not father, daughter, brother, sister - but something. Mine to keep safe from death. Saw you die in my dreams… She knew… she knew about the sweet spot. Right here… Jack’s sweet spot."

He leaned over me and his nose brushed the back of my neck again, and he breathed in deeply. When he pulled back to look at me again, the backs of his knuckles brushed my face carefully, and I could feel that tightly controlled part of him simmering just beneath the surface.

"I’m gonna hunt down each and everyone of those bastards who pushed you down this path, Jack. A life for your life… and the life they stole from you. My parasite… saved you from the monsters and damned you to hell."

He blinked slowly, and when he frowned, I let out the breath I had been holding.

"You were gonna kill me?" I asked, and he shrugged.

"I hated what you made me feel, Jack. Weakness - feelings. Emotions. Never had ‘em before you - didn’t know how to make ‘em go away. Thought about it… make it quick, so you wouldn’t feel it. I’d be free. But then I thought about the look in your eyes - what I’d see as you looked up at me. What I’d see as you died in my arms. Hated that more than what I felt."

I swallowed slowly, and his eyes traveled over my face.

"You tryin’ to scare me, Riddick?" I finally asked, and he shook his head.

"No. I won’t lie to you, Jack. You ask, I’ll answer. Do I still wanna kill you? No. Put you over my knee and tan your ass for gettin’ sent to slam? Sure. Am I gonna do it?"

He chuckled dryly, and tapped the tip of my nose with his finger as I shook my head.

"I looked for you," I admitted quietly.

A frown crossed his face as he pushed my hair behind my ear.

"Each planet we landed on… I looked for you. I didn’t ask… just checked the places I knew you’d hide. Kept my eye out for your name in the news. And when I was eventually caught? I killed you in my mind - locked you away, so that you’d stay hidden."

Riddick nodded slowly as I turned onto my side, so I could face him.

"Imam said you never forgave me. For leaving."

I snorted softly.

"Not for leaving, Riddick - I already told you that I knew you had to go. I had trouble forgiving you for leaving me on New Mecca. For leaving me with no choice."

Riddick frowned slightly.

"Where else was I meant to leave you, Jack?"

"I could have stayed with Bear and Darien. At least with them, I would have been able to travel. I couldn’t leave New Mecca, without a male escort, Riddick - even though the faith was not my own. I was lucky to meet Kain - he’s the only reason I’m not a baby making factory right now."

Riddick’s nose flared when I mentioned Kain’s name, and I laughed softly.

"He’s my best friend, Riddick. He’s cocky and he’s arrogant, and he saved my life."

"He got you sent to slam," he growled.

I glared at him angrily and sat up as he rolled onto his back and linked his hands behind his head.

"I got me sent to slam, Riddick. Me. I was responsible for the first death… and for plenty more after that. When we were caught… Kain could have run. He didn’t. He stepped out of the shadows; held his hands to the sides, and dropped to his knees. Toombs hadn’t even known he was there."

"Toombs?"

I nodded slowly.

"Yeah - dirty mouthed mother fucker, he was - but he was the only one who got close enough to catch us."

Riddick snorted and I cocked an eyebrow as he shook his head.

"He’s the one who gave me the ride to Crematoria the first time," he admitted with a chuckle, and then frowned when I looked down at my hands.

"Pick me out of a crowd by my scent alone, huh?" I asked quietly, and a dark look flashed across his face as he rose gracefully to his feet.

He crossed the narrow room and leaned against the wall with his arms crossed as we stared at each other. I finally chuckled mirthlessly, and the helplessness I had felt in that room came back to me, along with a new wave of anger.

"The prison docs who tried to evaluate you could never psychoanalyze you, because you were too damn smart for them. You look at a situation from every angle, and you never make a move until you are one hundred percent sure of the outcome. Natural born killer… and she outsmarted you."

Riddick growled softly and I snorted as I glared at him.

"How did she outsmart you, Riddick? Hmm?"

His mouth opened but then snapped shut, and I raised a disbelieving eyebrow as I snorted back laughter.

"She got to you… didn’t she? Sold you the story of her sad existence, and you fell for it," I spat and shoved myself to my feet angrily.

He crossed the room, so he was invading my personal space, but I didn’t budge an inch - no fucking way was he going to intimidate me into backing down. He glared down at me with a thunderous expression on his face, and jabbed a finger at me.

"She told me that she came lookin’ for me - that she was slaved out by the mercs she’d signed with," he snarled, and I laughed softly.

"Mercs… you thought I’d signed wit’ mercs… are you outta your god-damn mind?" I shouted, and his head jerked back slightly. "I told you the night we escaped T2, that it might be mercs we ran into… I lied for you… and you thought I’d signed wit’ ‘em? Fuckin’ insultin’, Riddick!"

I pushed past him as I shoved my hands through my hair. When his hand clamped down on my shoulder, I couldn’t stop the cry of pain that escaped, and wrenched away from him.

"Don’t fuckin’ touch me!"

Riddick recoiled slightly, and then snarled. I took two steps away from him, and he closed the distance between us. His hands rose before I could avoid them, and I cried out in anger as he fisted his hand in my hair and yanked my head to the side. I knew what he was doing, and even as I went to push him away, he was tearing the neck of my top with the other hand.

He froze in the silence that followed, and I turned my face away as much as I could. His eyes still burned a path over the naked skin he had exposed, followed by the calloused tips of his fingers. The hand in my hair relaxed slowly, and I bit my tongue at the stinging in my eyes. As he traced the bite mark on my shoulder, the hand in my hair went from gripping to cradling.

His gaze found mine, and it was the look of apprehension on his face that had the stinging in my eyes turning to tears. His eyebrows drew together as he touched the bite mark again, and when he looked back at me, I felt the first tear slide out the corner of my eye and down towards my ear. He followed its path with his eyes, and when he finally looked back at me, I saw a look on his face that I never thought I’d see - guilt. Another tear traced the path the first had taken, followed by another, even as I fought to stop them.

Riddick fidgeted slightly, and I closed my eyes to block him out. I felt his hand tighten slightly on the back of my head, and then slip down to my neck. The slightest amount of pressure on my neck, and my eyes flew open when my forehead came into contact with his chest. I blinked once, and felt his hand twitch against my neck.

We stood in silence; him holding me carefully, and me with my hands flexing by my side. I felt the light touch of his chin on the crown of my head, and I bit my lip, hoping to stop my tears. I tasted my own blood, and his hand twitched against my neck again. I couldn’t do it - be this close to him, and feel the anger I was feeling.

My hands came up and pressed against his chest; he responded by tightening his grip on the back of my neck. I pushed against him again, and his free hand rose to grasp my hip. I shook my head silently, and his hand wound itself into my hair and slowly tugged my head back. We stared at each other for a moment, and my voice cracked when I finally spoke.

“How could you not know?”

His fingertip touched my face and traced the tear that had spilt when I had asked him the question that burned the most.

“How can you think you meant somethin’ to me… once?” he asked in a low growl.

Pure Riddick - answer a question with a question. I opened my mouth to speak, and his fingers left my jaw and pressed over my lips.

“How can you think you meant somethin’ to me… once, Jack?”

I looked at him silently, and his face darkened with anger.

“Once, Jack? You meant fuckin’ everythin’. You... not Carolyn... not Kyra. You. Once… five years…frozen in time… nothin’ changed… only you changed. I broke into the pits of hell to find you, Jack… killed monsters, and lords, and mercs. Tortured the dead, and I’m gonna hunt down the living. Paint the streets red with their blood.”

“How could you not know?” I asked as his fingers trailed down over the dip in my throat, and he slid his hand around the back of my neck. Riddick drew me forward again, pressing my face back against his chest as he wound his other arm around my waist.

“I’d go to hell and drag her back, for puttin’ this fuckin’ mark on you. For killin’ my Jack. Show her the true meaning of bein' an animal. For skull-fuckin’ me, and makin’ me believe she was you. For puttin’ this look on your face. For the scent of your blood, and the scent of your fear… I’d kill her,” he murmured against the crown of my head.

His arm tightened around me as I fought what I was feeling. Pushed against the wall of muscle in front of me. He only drew me back against him. Curved me into his body, and I heard the soft rumble of contentment echo in his chest as I rested my forehead against him again. I could hear the steady thump of his heart under my ear as he ran his hand lightly over my head, and then his voice came quietly as he used his thumb to tilt my chin up.

"I fucked up... I can't change that. But you ain't a consolation prize, Jack. Not a replacement... I hid for you... not them... never for them... it was always for you."

I closed my eyes as I felt them sting with more tears. I couldn't cry... I wasn't weak. He drew me against him again, and I pushed against his chest as my heart rose to my throat. Can't cry... I'm strong... not weak and a child... I can't... I felt that first tear get free and slide down my cheek. I fought and lost, and I cried silently against his chest, as his chin rested on the crown of my head, and his heart thumped steadily under my ear.