The Forgotten.
folder
S through Z › Troy
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,520
Reviews:
8
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
S through Z › Troy
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,520
Reviews:
8
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Troy, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
The Forgotten.
A/N Slight commentary on my opinion of the womens' roles in "Troy". Or lack thereof.
(In a bare stone room, with one bed in the corner, three women sit looking very bored, mildly distraught and largely ignored.)
Cassandra: (kicking at the ground) This is appalling mother. I should have been in the script!
Hecuba: I know my sweet, but it is not for us to question the motives of the Gods.
Cassandra: Wolfgang Peterson is not a God!
Hecuba: He wields supreme executive power over the fate of Troy. What would you call him? Chopped liver?
Cassandra: (whining) But I’m an important character!
Hecuba: And I’m not?
Cassandra: I forsaw the fall of Troy!
Hecuba: Yeah but nobody believed you.
Cassandra: Yeah well, people are stupid…it’s no reason to cut me out of the script!
Hecuba: Well what about me? I’m hailed throughout history as the epitome of suffering and womanhood, I’m supposed to watch my children die before me!
Cassandra: But I’m Paris’ twin sister for godsakes! I mean, would it really have been that hard to find a girl that looks like Orlando Bloom to play me?
Hecuba: Judging by his appearance in Lord of the Rings he could probably play you himself. Girly-man. (shakes head).
Polyxena: Well at least now you two know how it feels!
Both: (turn to her)What?
Polyxena: Even in the original story I was ignored! You dont hear supposed rabid mythology fans going “But what about Polyxena? She was…umm…well…she was there.” I didnt even do anything! I just hung around looking pretty and then kicked the bucket at the end!
Hecuba: Which I was supposed to see, thus making me the ep-
Cassandra and Polyxena: Epitome of suffering and womanhood, we know.
Polyxena: What are you some kind of sicko? Why do you want to watch us all die before you?
Hecuba: So that, uh, (mumbles something unintelligible).
Cassandra: What?
Hecuba: Because Shakespeare mentions me in Hamlet, ok! If I dont suffer then he might pick someone else, like Cleopatra or Joan of Arc!
Polyxena: You would watch us all get slaughtered just so that some guy makes a mention, which is miniscule mind you, of you in his play in 1000 years?!
Hecuba: He isnt ‘some guy’ he’s the greatest writer that ever lived!
Cassandra: I disagree. I think Lydia is the greatest writer that ever lived.
A woman appears in a puff of smoke, scantily clad in glimmering stilettos and a thong bikini.
Woman: I second that.
Cassandra: Who are you?
Woman: (hands Cassandra a buss cas card)
Cassandra: (reading aloud) “Aphrodite, most useless goddess in Olympus. Also specialises in ruining marriages, looking beautiful and inadvertantly bringing about the fall of Troy”
Aphrodite: And I’m not mened Aed AT ALL. Not even to compare the beauty of one of the female characters to me! Cassandra, I thought you were a priestess. Shouldn’t you recognise a Goddess when you see one?
Cassandra: I’m a priestess of Apollo, and Pallas Athene. I’m fairly certain my goddess doesnt dress like a jelly-wrestling participant. Come to think of it bikinis arent even invented yet!
Aphrodite: Oh alright, alright. Lydia?
(The clicking of a keyboard can be heard and Aphrodite is now dressed in a robe of soft gauze, with a crown upon her head and a tridant in her hand)
Aphrodite: There, happy? (muttering) Bloody traditionalists. As I was saying, there’s no mention of me in the movie! Apollo yes, Poseidon yes but the female gods?
Cassandra: I know. I think Wolfgang Peterson has a woman-hating thing going on.
Polyxena: Or at the very least a woman-ignoring thing.
Hecuba: The most interesting woman in the movie was a girl who got taken prisoner, and ended up defying the gods for a roll in the hay with Brad Pitt. She’s bloody lucky that all the priests were killed or she’d have been buried alive for her treachery!
Polyxena: But seriously, if you were alone in a tent with Brad Pitt and he wanted to make nookie with you, would you seriously say “No sorry, my uh… God says I cant”.
Aphrodite: Besides Achilles decapitated her God. Who I might add, is mightily pissed off and planning to give Brad and Jennifer’s kids the plague and ears all over their faces.
Cassandra: Ears?
Aphrodite: (shrugs)
Cassandra: Besides, I think Andromache is the most interesting character.
Polyxena: (snorts) By interesting you mean sexy.
Aphrodite: Cassandra I didnt know you swung that way!
Hecuba: She doesnt, it’s Lydia talking. She has a crush on Andromache. It’s pathetic.
(There is a crash of thunder and a flash of lighting and a pig-snout apears where Hecuba’s nose was)
Hecuba: Oink. Uh, sorry Lydia.
(A beautiful woman appears. She is perfect in every way, flawless, curvacious and lovely. With her long red curls, large chocolate coloured eyes and marble skin there is only one thing she could be. A Mary-Sue.)
Mary-Sue Lydia: That’s ok Hecuba. (touches a hand to Hecuba’s face and restores her nose)
Hecuba: Thanks.
Mary-Sue Lydia: I’ve come to explain something to you all. If you’d actually seen the movie “Troy”, as I have, then you would know that all of the femaleractracters are nothing more than extensions of the male characters. Andromache’s only purpose is to grieve for Hector, Briseis’ only purpose is to canoodle with Achilles and Helen’s main purpose is to be the only blonde chick in the movie. So really you are all fortunate to not be a part of this movie and it’s patriarchal nonsense, because now one day Lydia can make a movie with you all in it, and give you your proper places in history, not shove you aside as secondary servers of the male characters. I will show the world who the real heroes are, and they are not the men with corpses piled around them.
All: Thanks Mary-Sue Lydia!
Mary-Sue Lydia: No probs. But now I must take leave of you. It’s 1:35 pm and I still havent had breakfast. (disappears in a cloud of silver smoke and Special K)
Hecuba: What a nice girl.
Cassandra: I suppose there’s nothing to do now except sit around and wait for Lydia to make a movie about us then!
Polyxena: Sounds about right. You guys wanna play Dungeons and Dragons while we wait?
Everyone: Yeah!
~*Did you enjoy this? Did it make you laugh? Or was it so bad that it made you want to stick the sharp end of a pencil in your ear? Let me know. Review....*~
(In a bare stone room, with one bed in the corner, three women sit looking very bored, mildly distraught and largely ignored.)
Cassandra: (kicking at the ground) This is appalling mother. I should have been in the script!
Hecuba: I know my sweet, but it is not for us to question the motives of the Gods.
Cassandra: Wolfgang Peterson is not a God!
Hecuba: He wields supreme executive power over the fate of Troy. What would you call him? Chopped liver?
Cassandra: (whining) But I’m an important character!
Hecuba: And I’m not?
Cassandra: I forsaw the fall of Troy!
Hecuba: Yeah but nobody believed you.
Cassandra: Yeah well, people are stupid…it’s no reason to cut me out of the script!
Hecuba: Well what about me? I’m hailed throughout history as the epitome of suffering and womanhood, I’m supposed to watch my children die before me!
Cassandra: But I’m Paris’ twin sister for godsakes! I mean, would it really have been that hard to find a girl that looks like Orlando Bloom to play me?
Hecuba: Judging by his appearance in Lord of the Rings he could probably play you himself. Girly-man. (shakes head).
Polyxena: Well at least now you two know how it feels!
Both: (turn to her)What?
Polyxena: Even in the original story I was ignored! You dont hear supposed rabid mythology fans going “But what about Polyxena? She was…umm…well…she was there.” I didnt even do anything! I just hung around looking pretty and then kicked the bucket at the end!
Hecuba: Which I was supposed to see, thus making me the ep-
Cassandra and Polyxena: Epitome of suffering and womanhood, we know.
Polyxena: What are you some kind of sicko? Why do you want to watch us all die before you?
Hecuba: So that, uh, (mumbles something unintelligible).
Cassandra: What?
Hecuba: Because Shakespeare mentions me in Hamlet, ok! If I dont suffer then he might pick someone else, like Cleopatra or Joan of Arc!
Polyxena: You would watch us all get slaughtered just so that some guy makes a mention, which is miniscule mind you, of you in his play in 1000 years?!
Hecuba: He isnt ‘some guy’ he’s the greatest writer that ever lived!
Cassandra: I disagree. I think Lydia is the greatest writer that ever lived.
A woman appears in a puff of smoke, scantily clad in glimmering stilettos and a thong bikini.
Woman: I second that.
Cassandra: Who are you?
Woman: (hands Cassandra a buss cas card)
Cassandra: (reading aloud) “Aphrodite, most useless goddess in Olympus. Also specialises in ruining marriages, looking beautiful and inadvertantly bringing about the fall of Troy”
Aphrodite: And I’m not mened Aed AT ALL. Not even to compare the beauty of one of the female characters to me! Cassandra, I thought you were a priestess. Shouldn’t you recognise a Goddess when you see one?
Cassandra: I’m a priestess of Apollo, and Pallas Athene. I’m fairly certain my goddess doesnt dress like a jelly-wrestling participant. Come to think of it bikinis arent even invented yet!
Aphrodite: Oh alright, alright. Lydia?
(The clicking of a keyboard can be heard and Aphrodite is now dressed in a robe of soft gauze, with a crown upon her head and a tridant in her hand)
Aphrodite: There, happy? (muttering) Bloody traditionalists. As I was saying, there’s no mention of me in the movie! Apollo yes, Poseidon yes but the female gods?
Cassandra: I know. I think Wolfgang Peterson has a woman-hating thing going on.
Polyxena: Or at the very least a woman-ignoring thing.
Hecuba: The most interesting woman in the movie was a girl who got taken prisoner, and ended up defying the gods for a roll in the hay with Brad Pitt. She’s bloody lucky that all the priests were killed or she’d have been buried alive for her treachery!
Polyxena: But seriously, if you were alone in a tent with Brad Pitt and he wanted to make nookie with you, would you seriously say “No sorry, my uh… God says I cant”.
Aphrodite: Besides Achilles decapitated her God. Who I might add, is mightily pissed off and planning to give Brad and Jennifer’s kids the plague and ears all over their faces.
Cassandra: Ears?
Aphrodite: (shrugs)
Cassandra: Besides, I think Andromache is the most interesting character.
Polyxena: (snorts) By interesting you mean sexy.
Aphrodite: Cassandra I didnt know you swung that way!
Hecuba: She doesnt, it’s Lydia talking. She has a crush on Andromache. It’s pathetic.
(There is a crash of thunder and a flash of lighting and a pig-snout apears where Hecuba’s nose was)
Hecuba: Oink. Uh, sorry Lydia.
(A beautiful woman appears. She is perfect in every way, flawless, curvacious and lovely. With her long red curls, large chocolate coloured eyes and marble skin there is only one thing she could be. A Mary-Sue.)
Mary-Sue Lydia: That’s ok Hecuba. (touches a hand to Hecuba’s face and restores her nose)
Hecuba: Thanks.
Mary-Sue Lydia: I’ve come to explain something to you all. If you’d actually seen the movie “Troy”, as I have, then you would know that all of the femaleractracters are nothing more than extensions of the male characters. Andromache’s only purpose is to grieve for Hector, Briseis’ only purpose is to canoodle with Achilles and Helen’s main purpose is to be the only blonde chick in the movie. So really you are all fortunate to not be a part of this movie and it’s patriarchal nonsense, because now one day Lydia can make a movie with you all in it, and give you your proper places in history, not shove you aside as secondary servers of the male characters. I will show the world who the real heroes are, and they are not the men with corpses piled around them.
All: Thanks Mary-Sue Lydia!
Mary-Sue Lydia: No probs. But now I must take leave of you. It’s 1:35 pm and I still havent had breakfast. (disappears in a cloud of silver smoke and Special K)
Hecuba: What a nice girl.
Cassandra: I suppose there’s nothing to do now except sit around and wait for Lydia to make a movie about us then!
Polyxena: Sounds about right. You guys wanna play Dungeons and Dragons while we wait?
Everyone: Yeah!
~*Did you enjoy this? Did it make you laugh? Or was it so bad that it made you want to stick the sharp end of a pencil in your ear? Let me know. Review....*~