Catching a Dinosaur

DISCLAIMER: Not mine, no harm intended, no profit made.


Catching a Dinosaur

"Alan?"

"Ellie!"

The man with the shadows under his eyes, whose handsomely rugged face was lined with exhaustion, look confused for a moment as he tried to find a spot to place the Styrofoam cup in his hand. Finally, he sat it on the floor near the wall and welcomed the woman into his arms.

"Ellie, what are you doing here?"

"I had to see for myself that you were safe," she said, brushing the lank, sandy-blond hair from his forehead. "Are you all right?"

"I've got the usual cuts and bruises," he said, shrugging away her concern, then grimaced. “I hate that I can say that.”

“I hate that I know what you mean,” she said with a haunted grin, and he flashed her one of his trademark wry smiles.

"But I'm still alive, thanks to you. The army you sent after us arrived just in time to save the day."

"Considering where you were, I'm surprised it didn't take more than an army. What about everyone else who was trapped on the island? How are they?"

"Of those who survived, they're also fine, except for Billy," he answered, blue eyes darkening perceptively with a pain it seemed he didn’t quite understand. "His injuries are the most severe, which is the only reason why I'm still lurking around this hellhole."

Ellie's momentary relief was replaced by immediate concern for the grad student she'd heard so much about. "What's wrong with him? He's not. . ." Remembering her own experiences with the dinosaurs her voice trailed off and Alan's face softened, becoming reassuring.

"He'll be okay," he said. "Just a few cracked ribs, a broken arm, and the unfortunate necessity of several stitches. He should be back on his feet and as good as new within eight weeks or so."

"Eight weeks?” she sighed, shaking her head. “That’s a long time."

"Considering the alternative, I'll take eight weeks any day."

“Excellent point,” Ellie smiled, sliding an arm around his waist. “So what are you two going to do after Billy’s released?”

“Go back to Montana,” he shrugged. “Keep digging, like I always do.”

“And Billy?”

“He’ll go too, of course,” Alan frowned, not quite comprehending the question. “What else would he do?”

“He’s not going to be in any condition to dig for a while, and he’s going to need someone to care for him. Someone he’ll take orders from. Someone who will know how hard to push him, and when he’s pushing himself too hard.”

Alan gave Ellie a searching look, knowing there was a point she was about to reach, but not particularly wanting to face it. He decided to play dumb and hope that she would eventually drop the subject. “Is there someone you have in mind?”

The beautiful blond heaved an inward sigh. “Alan, don’t you think it’s time you told him?”

The paleontologist’s feigned confusion increased. “Told him what?”

“About how much you care for him?”

“Ellie, he knows how much I care for him.” Alan shook his head with a weak imitation of a laugh. “He’s the best student I’ve had in years, and I’ve told him so, more often than I should of. Kid’s far too sure of himself.”

“And that’s all that’s between you? Just your typical student-teacher relationship?”

“Well, there was a little bit of hero worship when he first started working with me, but I think we’ve gotten beyond all that now.”

“Alan,” she sighed, “you’re impossible. After all you’ve been through together, after nearly losing him, you still refuse to admit it?”

The blue eyes relented the tiniest bit. “Ellie, what else can I do? He’s so young, and he’s got such an incredible future ahead of him, whereas I’m only an old dinosaur, and thanks to my island adventures, I’m probably about twenty years closer to extinction than I was. I can’t waste his life like that.”

“Alan, I can assure you, any time you spend together will not be a waste. And why should you be the one to decide? Don’t you think you should talk to him about it first?”

“Ellie,” he said gently, taking her hands in his, “let it go. I’m not going to change my mind.”

She studied his face for a moment, then wrapped her arms around him and gave him a hug. “Because I know how stubborn you are, I’m going to let it go--this time. Alan, I only want to see you happy. You shouldn’t have to be alone.”

“But I’m not alone,” he said with a smile. “These old bones are in the best of company.”

“Fossils are not company,” she scolded with a mock scowl.

“They’ll have to do. Come on,” he said, nodding towards one of the rooms. “I’ll introduce you to Billy, but only if you promise not to mention any of this to him.”

“I’ll take it under consideration.”

Since the horrific days he’d spent on Isla Nublar, Alan’s dreams had been a string of nightmares filled with gnashing teeth and screams of pain, of intelligent eyes that were always watching him, waiting for their moment to shred him into ribbons with sharp, curved claws.

The days spent on Isla Sorna had changed those dreams.

His nightmares now ended with him waking in a sweat-soaked bed as the sound of leathery, flapping wings filled the air. He was always forced to watch, helpless, as pointed snouts pecked relentlessly at water dyed red with blood, water that tumbled a lifeless body downstream.

“Billy!” he gasped, sitting straight up on the sofa. It took him a few minutes to realize that he was safe in the smothering heat of the trailer, that the only dinosaurs around had turned to stone millions of years ago, and that Billy had survived the pterodactyl attack and was safe, sound asleep in what acted as the trailer’s bedroom.

Only the young man’s sleep didn’t sound terribly sound. Alan’s eyes turned to the sheet Ellie had hung during her stay here in an attempt to create a feeling of separate space in the cramped trailer. Alan now hated the sheet that separated him from Billy because it made him incapable of witnessing the thrashing and fitful moans that filled the small spaces. He felt that if he’d only been able to see Billy, perhaps the nightmares wouldn’t have been so bad.

Or maybe it was just a mistake to have the young man there at all.

When his student had finally been released from the hospital, Alan had stood in the room watching Billy’s struggle to get dressed and knew Ellie had been right. He couldn’t let the young man go home alone. Billy couldn’t even bend over to tie a shoe, much less take care of himself. Since they both practically lived at the dig site, it made sense for Alan to insist that Billy stay with him until he was well.

After they’d gotten over the initial embarrassment of Billy being forced to accept Alan’s help, and after Alan had learned to disassociate himself from the feelings roused by this sudden intimacy and playing nurse, they’d managed to work out a fairly normal pattern to their lives. Not that they had much of a choice, if they wanted to keep their friendship from dissolving. For the most part, it worked.

Only, Alan hadn’t counted on having someone else’s nightmares accompany his own, or on how much it would distress him to hear the fearful cries in the night. During those long hours, every instinct urged him to go to Billy, to wake him and try to comfort him, but comfort had never been one of his more outstanding qualities. Most humans he met failed to do anything to capture his interest, so he was never much use around them. Dinosaurs, on the other hand, fascinated him, which is why he was better with bones. Bones he could reassemble without any problems, but people. . . with people, he didn’t even know where to begin.

“Alan!”

“Billy!”

He jumped off of the sofa and threw back the sheet that separated the rooms, but as he knelt down by the struggling figure, Alan realized Billy was still asleep.

“Alan, go! Run! Don’t stop!” the young man shouted and Alan reached out to shake his uninjured shoulder.

“Billy! Billy, wake up! You’re dreaming!”

“Alan, I’m sorry!”

“Billy, it’s all right. You’re okay, I’m okay, everything’s okay. Come on, open your eyes. It’s over, just wake up.”

Alan’s frantic words finally reaching him, the young man frowned as his eyes slowly blinked open. “Alan, what’s wrong?” He glanced around the room, checking to make sure the trailer wasn’t on fire, or that the dinosaurs had somehow managed to find them. “Is everything all right?”

The paleontologist nodded. “Everything’s fine. You were having a nightmare.”

“Another one?” he asked with a tentative smile, which Alan returned, trying to look as comforting as possible.

“Yeah, but you’re out of it now. Why don’t you go back to sleep? We’ve still got a couple hours before we need to be up.”

“I don’t know if I can,” Billy sighed, rolling his head on the pillow, his eyes already beginning to droop.

“You should try,” Alan said, patting his shoulder as he stood up.

“Alan?”

“Hmm?”

“Thanks for saving me.”

“Saving you?” he asked, glancing back at the young man.

“From the nightmare.”

Alan nodded and leaned against the wall, watching over Billy as he drifted off to sleep, waiting to see if the nightmares would return.

In a fit of frustration, Billy kicked at the wall of rock and yelped when the predictable, and yet still somehow unexpected, pain darted through his foot.

“Billy, you all right?”

“Fine,” he yelled back to his ubiquitous guardian. “Just stubbed my toe.”

“Well, be more careful! And don’t go too far!”

Like he could.

Alan had every student on the site keeping an eye out for him, reporting back to their leader at regular intervals so Dr. Grant wouldn’t worry. The second he stepped around a bend in the rock that put him beyond their vision, he knew it wouldn’t be long before he’d hear footsteps echoing after his own.

And so, grumbling something under his breath, Billy waved an assenting hand in Alan’s direction as he continued on his walk. He had started with the intention of letting the halting steps cool him off and clear his head, not to make the anger worse. Seemed he was failing at that, too.

He hated being so helpless, so incapable of doing the things he wanted to do, that he’d been used to doing. He hated that the simplest tasks required a helping hand. He hated that the closest he got to the fossils was numbering them and adding them to the catalogue he’d helped set up on the computer.

He hated that each day spent under Alan’s tenacious care failed to bring them closer together. He hated that every time he reached for Alan, the stretching stitches in his stomach made him wince, the gash in his thigh made him limp, the talon marks in his shoulder kept his arms at his sides. And, of course, the broken bones didn’t help either.

He was a rag doll torn apart by monsters and pieced together by doctors, but the only thing that kept him from falling apart was Alan. Billy had to make it up to him, somehow. He had to find a way to counter the disappointment and disgust in Alan’s eyes from when he’d confessed to taking the eggs.

Not that those emotions existed anymore. Now in the sharp blue gaze, he saw only affection and concern, along with a stubborn refusal to let Billy wallow as he was so often inclined to do. Every time the helplessness started to get to him, Alan was there, giving him a task, a speech, a kind word, anything to keep him motivated.

He hated that Alan would go out of his way to see that he didn’t fall--mentally, emotionally, physically--but never touched him in any manner other than friendship. He couldn’t go on like this. He couldn’t handle the distance between them, even if the distance was nothing new. Being around Alan was becoming unbearable, and he would either have to find a way to bring them closer, or leave before he drove himself mad.

Alan couldn’t help it. With each passing minute that Billy was out of his sight, he spent every other second glancing up to see if the tall, handsome form had reappeared yet. If Billy was in the tent working on the computer, that wasn’t a problem. He was in one place, he wasn’t going anywhere, he wasn’t in any danger. When Billy wandered off on his own, as he was growing more apt to do, Alan was a mess, and no matter how many times he told himself to snap out of it, he couldn’t make himself concentrate on his work.

Growling in annoyance, Alan began to none-too-gently brush the sand away from the bones. Billy was becoming a distraction, one that could end up harming the dig if Alan wasn’t more careful. If only he could keep himself focused, but he knew how likely that was. Finally, Alan gave up and, throwing down the brush, stormed after the absent young man.

“Six minutes, eighteen seconds,” he heard a student comment behind him. “I think that’s a new record.”

Well, at least he wasn’t being obvious, Alan thought with a snarl, narrowing his eyes as he casually fled the scene. It didn’t take him long to catch up to the slow-paced young man and was instantly relieved to see that Billy was all right, but then he held back a few steps, uncertain as to what to do next.

“That didn’t take you long,” Billy said without looking back. “I think you set a new record.”

“That’s what the kids said,” he muttered unhappily, and Billy glanced over at him.

“Alan, I promise you I will not disappear the second you let me out of your sight.”

“You might not disappear, but you might fall and hurt yourself and then what will happen?”

“I’ll wait ten minutes, and either you or one of the others will show up to help me,” he said, and Alan couldn’t ignore the bitterness in his voice.

He sighed. “You’re not happy.”

“I am happy,” Billy said, then turned around and gestured to his broken body. “Just not like this. I’ve been thinking. Maybe it would be better for if I went away until I’m no longer so fucking useless.”

“You’re not useless,” Alan protested even as his heart was swamped with fear--Billy was thinking of leaving? “The cataloging program you created has made marking the placement and numbers of the fossils so much simpler, not to mention all the time it saves us. Even you can’t deny how helpful it is.”

“It’s only helpful because I’ve been spending hours of mind-numbing hell entering all the past data into the computer in order to keep up with the current finds. One more day of data entry, and I swear, you’ll have to put me into a straightjacket.”

“Then we’ll find something else for you to do. What’ll it take to keep you from going insane?”

The frank look in Billy’s eyes made Alan want to take a step backwards. There was no way he could be seeing what he thought he was seeing. There was no way Billy would ever look at him like that, no matter how much he might wish it.

Seeing Alan’s rejection of the idea, if not of himself, Billy sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t know that there is anything.”

“Then let me be honest with you and maybe that will help. I need you here. Even if you’re not actually digging up the fossils themselves, you probably know more about this site than anyone out here. Possibly even more than me, though I’ll never admit it,” Alan said, pushing a grin onto his face. “If you leave for just a week, you’ll be more lost than when you first came here. And I know you, Billy. When you get back, you’ll take one look around and want to fire us all. You’ll be furious because nothing will be the way you left it and you’ll blame me for letting it all go to hell.”

“Yeah, well, you’ll deserve every ounce of that blame,” Billy said, his eyes lightening for a moment.

“You’re right. The overall details of how this place runs have never been the foremost in my thoughts. I worry about the bones. I’ll go where people tell me in order to raise money, and I do what I can to make sure the camp runs smoothly, but beyond that, whatever’s left has always been for someone else to worry about. You, in this case, practically since the first day you set foot onto the site. I remember, you took one look around and took control, organizing things to the way you liked them.”

This time Billy did smile. “You can’t complain--you let me.”

“Because it worked. I hadn’t had anyone decent to coordinate this place since Ellie left. Do you really want to leave it in my hands?”

Billy gave a mock shudder and shook his head. “No. I’d be too afraid to come back.”

“Then tell me what I can do to make things better for you. Just. . . tell me you won’t leave.”

Alan held his breath as Billy looked at him, a thousand different emotions flashing over the young man’s face, ones that he couldn’t interpret, and how he hated himself for that. He wanted to be able to read everything that was going on in Billy’s mind, to understand every thought, every feeling, but to do that. . . It just wasn’t going to happen.

“All right,” the young man answered, a slight flush crawling up his face at the intensity of Alan’s gaze. “And really, you don’t have to worry. Things are good, I swear. It’s just that I need to learn to be a little more patient with the healing process.”

“I know how difficult that can be,” Alan smiled, “so take all the time you need. Now, are you ready to head back to camp?”

“You go on. I think I’ll walk a little bit longer.” Catching the panicked look in the older man’s eyes, he gave Alan a reassuring smile. “I’ll be fine. I’ll watch where I step and be careful not to overtire myself. Besides, if I’m not back by dinner, you can always send a search party.”

“That’s not funny,” Alan growled, but knowing this was important to Billy, forced himself to turn around. “One hour. If you’re not back by then, don’t be surprised if you end up chained to the trailer.”

“Chained to the trailer, huh? Is that a promise?”

Alan blanched and quickened his pace, deciding to pretend he hadn’t heard Billy’s final teasing comment. There were just too many implications in it he was not prepared to think about.

At least, not consciously.

Subconsciously, his mind was having a ball imagining all the things Alan could do with Billy chained to the trailer and at his mercy. Once he realized what was happening, Alan decided subconscious was altogether far too fond of this idea and he immediately shut it down. However, he still couldn’t stop the occasional stray thoughts that leaked through the barrier, thoughts that made him edgy for the rest of the day and caused his young, horny students to snicker behind his back.

He was definitely going to have to work on his subtlety, or just get denser students.

Dr. Alan Grant paced his half of the moonlit trailer, his anxiety for the young man in the next room increasing with every step.

He didn’t know if Billy’s rising discontent was the problem, or if there was something else, but the nightmares were increasing in ferocity. Billy couldn’t even go two hours without the terrors attacking him in his sleep, and Alan was finding it more and more difficult to wake the young man. There was more to this than just bad dreams, but Alan didn’t know what. He was a paleontologist, not a psychiatrist. Still, he had to find a way to keep the monsters away and allow Billy--and himself--to get a good night’s sleep.

At least he knew where the dream originated. It was always the same dream of the pterodactyl attack, the exact same dream Alan had, only now he was witnessing it each night from Billy’s point of view. Billy had sacrificed himself so that they could escape--so that he could escape--and it had been a miracle that the young man had survived. From the blood in the water, from the way Billy’s body had fallen, Alan had been positive he would never see Billy again. But when Ellie’s army had picked them up, there had been Billy, covered in bandages, barely conscious, but so happy to see Alan, and Alan. . .

He could remember that first moment in the helicopter when he laid eyes on Billy, when he had first seen him alive. His heart felt like it was about to burst with joy, and the smile that crossed his face made his jaw ache. It was only because he could see Billy trying to be strong for him that he didn’t allow the tears to fall, but they were there in his eyes, waiting for the right moment when he was alone and didn’t have to be strong for anyone.

But now he again found himself in the position of hiding all his emotions in order to be strong for the young man whose presence was becoming more of an agony than a joy with each passing day. His role of detached nurse was quickly crumbling--helping Billy to dress, to bathe, to stand, to sit, being near that tanned skin, the muscles that remained surprisingly defined even with this prolonged inactivity--Alan had found himself more than once allowing his touches to linger longer than they should.

And yet, Billy had never once protested. He didn’t seem bothered by Alan at all. If he hadn’t known better, Alan would even say Billy had been encouraging him, but that was just preposterous.

“Alan!”

The paleontologist shuddered. Billy’s dream had reached the part he hated most, the part where he was just about to lose him.

Again the panicked voice filled the trailer. “Alan, go! Run! Don’t stop!”

Growling with frustration, Alan pushed aside the sheet and shook Billy’s shoulder, yelling at him to wake up, but the nightmare’s grip was too tight. The body in the bed thrashed as Billy tried to escape, holding up his arms to protect himself as he relived being torn apart by talons and teeth.

Not knowing what else to do, but unable to just stand and watch any longer, Alan crawled into the bed next to him. He pinned Billy’s arms to his sides and held him, whispering soothingly into his ear until the young man began to grow calm.

“It’s all right, Billy,” he said, stroking the soft dark blond curls. “I’ve got you now. You’re safe.”

“Alan,” he whispered without waking up and curled into the older man’s embrace.

Since the nightmare had broken, Alan knew he should leave, but with Billy sleeping peacefully for the first time in at least a week, Alan didn’t have the heart to abandon him. Promising that he would leave before Billy woke up, Alan made himself a little more comfortable and waited for dawn, never noticing the moment when he, too, fell asleep.

When Billy woke the next morning, it took him several tries to convince himself that he wasn’t dreaming, that Alan was, in fact, sleeping in the same bed with him.

But how? How had this happened? And why?

Don’t question it, he told himself. Don’t question, just enjoy, while you can.

It ended far too soon. Alan woke up slowly, hands wandering delightfully, lips murmuring nonsense until full consciousness set in, and then everything was a blur as he rushed to remove himself from Billy’s side.

But Billy wasn’t about to let him escape.

“Before you say anything,” Alan began, backing away from the bed, “let me just say you were having a nightmare, and this was the only way I could help you. You wouldn’t wake up, and the nightmare--it looked terrible. I couldn’t let you continue to suffer.”

“Yes, it was terrible. I was there, but then, so were you.”

“I know,” Alan said, then his eyes narrowed as he remembered. “I know. You were very brave, and it was a very noble thing you did, but it was also the most amazingly fucking stupid thing I’ve ever seen anyone do in my entire life.”

Billy shrugged. “I couldn’t watch you die.”

“So you made me watch you? That’s not a fair exchange, Billy.”

“I didn’t want to live each day and see the disappointment in your eyes.”

Alan shook his head. “If it’s about the eggs, I understand why you took them and that you were only trying to help. If I’d been your age and it had been my first time there, I probably would have taken them, too. I forgive you, Billy. Even if you hadn’t gone after Eric, I still would have forgiven you. But I will never forgive you for sacrificing yourself for me!”

Alan was shouting now, his voice growing louder, his body more animated the angrier he got.

“For gods sakes, Billy! What on Earth possessed you to think that your life was worth less than mine? That I would ever want you to die to save me?! I want you to live, goddamnit! I need you to live!”

“Why, Alan?” Billy shouted back. “Why shouldn’t I do everything I can to protect someone I care about?”

“Because I’m not worth it!”

“You are to me!”

“And you are to me!”

The two men stared at each other, eyes wide with shock that the moment had finally come. Now they could either accept what had been said and move forward, or give in to the fear and possibly ruin the only chance they might have to be together.

Billy saw the shield falling over Alan’s face and his eyes darkened. He wasn’t about to let Alan back out now, not when he’d finally gotten him to admit that he cared.

Quickly maneuvering around the bed, Billy grabbed Alan by his shirt and pulled him into a kiss.

Frozen in a complete state of shock, Alan stood there, not moving, not breathing, not doing anything, but Billy refused to let go. He kept his mouth pressed to Alan’s until the lips beneath his began to thaw and Alan started kissing him back.

It was just the slightest hint of a movement at first, almost as if his mouth was afraid to open. Billy could sense Alan’s bewilderment and didn’t push, waiting until Alan grew used to him. Slowly, the lips parted a little bit more as Alan took Billy’s lower lip between his own and the younger man smiled.

“I can feel you smiling,” Alan whispered, his mouth brushing against Billy’s as he spoke.

Billy was tempted to answer that he could feel more than that, but he didn’t want to risk frightening Alan away. Instead, he opened his mouth and brushed his tongue across Alan’s lips.

The older man tensed at feeling something touch his mouth that was soft and wet, gentle but determined. He knew what Billy wanted and, after a moment’s indecision, opened his mouth to let him in. Not surprisingly, he relished the feel of Billy’s tongue as it slid past his lips, teasing while it caressed, exploring Alan’s mouth in tiny flicks and nudges until Alan’s entire body was tingling. He wanted more, but Billy seemed determined not to do anything beyond torment him. He’d made the first move, and Alan knew it was now his turn.

His arms were hesitant as he lifted them to surround the young man, edging him close. His hands slid around the trim waist to ease their way up over the muscles of the strong back, his fingers tracing and delicately massaging the skin beneath the cotton cloth. His travels stilled to better appreciate the undulating movements of Billy reaching up with one hand to place his fingers at the back of Alan’s head and draw him deeper.

For a fleeting moment, Alan’s mind started working again and he asked himself what the hell he thought he was doing kissing someone half his age, but then Billy pulled away enough to whisper to him, “Don’t go. Don’t run. Don’t stop, Alan, don’t ever stop.”

It was the first time that hearing those words pass from Billy’s lips didn’t cause Alan cringe in fear. It astonished him how a change in situation and a couple of alterations could turn those few, simple words into the most beautiful in the English language.

“Never,” Alan answered with a smile, drawing him into a tight embrace. “I’m never going to run again, but you have to promise that you’re not going anywhere. Promise me that you’ll never directly put yourself in the way of danger ever again.”

“I promise,” Billy said, grinning up at him. “Right after my skydiving trip celebrating my full and complete recovery in two months.”

“Billy. . .”

“Just teasing,” he chuckled, kissing Alan’s chin and lowering his voice. “The only celebrating I’m going to be doing is with you.”

Alan caught the implication in his words and smiled as the young man’s mouth made a trail down his neck. “I should warn you, I’m a bit rusty.”

“That’s what lubrication is for.”

He sighed, shaking his head. “I’m too old for this. You’re going to give me a heart attack.”

“If you can survive being chased down by dinosaurs, I think you can survive me.”

“Are you sure this is what you want?”

Billy stood up straight, his eyes serious as he met Alan’s. “I’ve wanted you from the time when I first saw you speak. I was only eighteen, but even then, I knew you were all I wanted. I’ve spent my entire life working towards this moment, waiting and hoping for you to come around, and nothing you say or do is going to change that.”

“So no pressure,” Alan said with a wry smile, and Billy shook his head.

“None at all. I would be happy to spend the rest of my life just working by your side. Since I’m going to get more than that,” he said, quirking an eyebrow, his lips curling into a smile, “I think it’s safe to say that I’m ecstatic. So long as you want me, you’re never getting rid of me, and even then, it’s not going to be that easy. You’re stuck with me, Alan Grant, so get used to it.”

“Gladly,” Alan grinned and leaned over to kiss his newfound young lover.


[Completed March 24, 2004]