Control

Title: Control
Chapter: One
Rating: NC-17
Author: Angelsdee (additional help on this chapter – Cat, VKSampson)
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. Not a damn thing. I like to play with others toys though.
Author’s Note: The character, Mikaela, is based on some personal experiences that I went through. The abuse, losses, nightmares, and general meltdowns are all mine.
Archive: Yes
Feedback: Yes
Summary: The team leaves for Mexico after everything has gone down. As soon as they get there, everyone blames Dom for one thing or another and the team abandons him. Lost in a misery all his own, Dom meets Mikaela, a beautiful woman with ghosts of her own and a past she is running from.

They drove down the road through the night. The car was eerily quiet. Emotions were running rampant but all four occupants remained silent. The pain and misery each one felt was a tangible, ugly thing that seemed to take up space of its own in the vehicle.

Each had their own thoughts racing through their minds. The horrible events that led them to crossing the border into Mexico played before their minds eye. The many hours it took to reach their destination were spent in quiet contemplation of their troubled thoughts.

Letty’s thoughts were plagued with doubt. She was hurting from the accident during the truck heist. Leon had done his best at tending to her wounds while they waited for Dom to get Mia and find Jesse but she still felt like hell. Her pain was both physical and spiritual.

She wondered how Dom, the man she loved for so long, could put her life, as well as the others, in such danger. He knew they were all uncomfortable going through with it when they were down one man, Jesse. ‘If he really loved me, why didn’t he listen to us? I almost got killed! Not to mention Vince!’ she thought. ‘And Jesse … God I can’t believe it. It can’t be true!’ She silently cried while staring out the window at the passing terrain.

Leon’s thoughts were of anger and pain. He was in shock after learning of Jesse’s death at the hands of Johnny Tran. ‘Dom should’ve protected him! I can’t believe my lil’ bro is gone! He should’ve protected him!’ He thought about it further and knew deep down that it really wasn’t Dom’s fault. ‘Jesse shouldn’t have run after he lost the race. I shouldn’t have goaded him into racing in the first place. He’d still be alive.’

But everyone looked to Dom for leadership and protection and Leon felt like Dom failed Jesse horribly. In fact of matter, he felt like Dom failed them all. ‘Jesse is dead! Vince almost died and is in jail! And Letty … Man, I … we almost lost Letty.’ He turned and looked at the woman who had occupied his thoughts a lot recently.

When he was tending to her wounds earlier, she cried. He didn’t think it was from the physical pain of the accident. He noticed that lately she didn’t look happy but could he possibly hope that she was finally tired of her relationship with Dom. Perhaps time stood still for him and Letty, time to let her know how he really felt about her.

She had her beautiful face turned away from him but he could tell by the slight shudder that ran through her body that she was crying again. He reached out and grasped her hand tenderly. She slowly turned her head to face him and when they locked eyes, he gave her a sad but loving smile that somehow managed to even reach his eyes. ‘God, she is beautiful. If I would’ve lost her too…’ No, he didn’t even want to think about what that loss would’ve cost him on top of losing Jesse.

She saw the combination of love and pain in his eyes and she intertwined her fingers with his. A small smile graced her lips for a moment and then she turned her head back to the window and delved into her own thoughts again. He noticed that she left her hand in his and gleaned a small amount of comfort from it but his thoughts quickly turned to anger and hatred.

He glared at Dom through the rearview mirror. ‘I never thought … I can’t believe … how could he do this to us? We trusted him and he fucked everything up!’ Somewhere inside, Leon could feel a war waging in his conscience. A part of him started to hate Dom (and himself) for all that had happened to his adopted family and a part felt intense pity for the man whose own pain must be just as equally, if not more, unbearable as his own. ‘Let him suffer. I don’t give a damn anymore. I have to look out for the rest of us now. He sure as hell isn’t up for the job. Not anymore.’

He looked down at his and Letty’s locked fingers and let a single tear slide down his cheek. The only one he shed since the night began and he promised himself that it would be the last. He had to stay strong … for her at least.

Mia was angry with Dom for everything! Their family was broken … torn apart. It was missing its heart and source of laughter. Jesse was pronounced dead at the scene. The police didn’t even bother to cover up his body. They were too busy laughing and talking a few feet away while Mia sat on the steps too numb to cry anymore.

She was so sick of death! She was a little girl when her mother died and was only able to cope with the loss with her father’s love and support. But then he died in the accident and she lost Dom to prison after he assaulted Linder. ‘He didn’t even think about what would happen to me if he was gone. The nights I spent crying about Dad and he wasn’t there for me. Just like he didn’t think of the consequences of these heists. We’ve lost everything! Jesse, Vince, our lives and home! Everything! All because of his pride and arrogance! Insufferable man! Always thinks he knows best. Always believes he is right. I can’t believe he thinks I am the kid!’

She knew she still loved her big brother … they all did … but it was that blind love that led them all to ruin. No one ever questioned Dom. He gave the instructions and they all followed without the slightest hesitation. ‘He just couldn’t leave well enough alone. We had everything we could possibly want or need but it was never enough for Dom. No, not my big brother. Always another race … another score.’

She let her thoughts slip to Brian for a moment and realized that even though he betrayed them, she still loved him. ‘He let us go. He had us and he let us go. He even saved Vince and killed Jesse’s murderer. He gave up his career for us.’ Her heart warmed for the first time tonight with her memories of Brian. He was caring, tender, and, unlike every other guy who hung out with her brother’s crew, a gentleman. ‘He said his feelings for me were true. That I wasn’t part of the job. Could he really love me too?’ She sighed heavily, ‘Even if it was true, I would have the fight of my life ahead of me if Dom ever found out. He’d never let Brian near us after all this.’ She struggled with the thoughts and realized ‘I don’t care what he thinks. He doesn’t have the right to tell me how I should live my life. Let alone whom I should live it with. I can’t let him control me anymore.’

Dom felt dead inside. He didn’t know what to think. ‘How could everything be so good and turn to shit so quick?’ He felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. His family … his whole life was in this car. He could feel a myriad of emotions coming off of them … directed at him … and none of them were good.

After he picked up Mia and met up with Leon and Letty, he told them of Jesse’s death and the fate of the Trans at his and Brian’s hands. Those were the only words spoken during the course of the trip. ‘I’ve lost everything! If I haven’t yet I will soon. My family is slipping away and it’s all my fault! Fuck! How could I let this happen?’

It was late when Dom pulled the car into the driveway of the beach house that he bought a couple of years ago. It was a nice two-story on a private beach near Cozumel. He got out and held the seat forward so Letty could get out but she scooted over and followed Leon out on Mia’s side. Everyone grabbed some of their things that they were able to bring with them and headed towards the front door. After Dom opened the door, he turned to help Letty but he noticed that Leon had both of their bags in one hand and his other arm was around her waist helping her in to the house.

The house had four bedrooms. The master bedroom was upstairs and the other three were on the lower level. Mia immediately took the first room she came to. She went inside and slammed the door shut behind her without saying a word to anyone.

Leon left Letty leaning against the sofa and was about to take her bag upstairs when she stopped him with a soft “No. Would you please help me to the room next to Mia’s?”

Leon nervously glanced at Dom through the corner of his eye then turned his full attention to Letty and said “Sure. Hold on to me. It’ll just be easier if I carry you.” He picked her up like a fragile doll and gently carried her to her room. He carefully placed her on the bed and gave her a quick kiss to the forehead. “Sleep well.”

“Thanks, Leon. I really appreciate you taking care of me during all of this. I know things are just as hard for you but you have been nothing but great to me. Thank you.” As he turned to leave she stopped him with an almost silent “You sleep well too.”

He went back out into the living room to collect his own bag and noticed Dom sitting on the sofa. The big man looked defeated … broken. Leon felt like he should say something but he could find no words of comfort or encouragement for him because he couldn’t feel any for himself. He felt destroyed. Without another backwards glance, he picked up his bag and went into the room at the end of the hall next to Letty’s and shut the door.

The house was silent around Dom, much like the car was on the way there. The silence was deafening. He couldn’t hold up his own body weight. He felt heavy with grief. He stood up and climbed the stairs to his room.

The master bedroom was a loft so he could still hear the silence of the whole house instead of the quiet of just his room. He sat on his bed and hung his head low. He could feel them. Even now through the walls of the house… he could feel his family’s pain, misery, and distrust of him. ‘I’m gonna lose them and I don’t blame them one bit for wanting to get the hell away from me. I fuck up everything I touch.’

He was responsible for every one of them and he hurt them all in one-way or another. He cost Jesse his life and robbed Leon of his best friend. He almost got Vince killed and now he would end up in jail after he got out of the hospital. Letty almost died because of his stupid idea to go ahead with the damn heist. And Mia … she probably lost the most. The only family she ever really knew. ‘She lost Mom and Dad when she was just a kid. She lost me when I went to prison. Thank God for Vince, Leon, and Jesse. They took care of her while I was locked up. And now … how will she feel when they leave?’ He laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling, ‘How could everything be so good and turn to shit so quick?’

He stretched one arm over to his nightstand and turned on the radio trying desperately to quiet the voices in his head and the loud silence of the house. The sound was loud enough to be heard throughout the house. A pretty guitar chord started off a song that sounded vaguely familiar to him. He realized too late that he shouldn’t have turned on the radio at all. He knew the song by heart that was starting to play.

He got up and quickly went to the mirror hanging on the wall and stared at himself. The eyes that looked back at him seemed like a stranger’s, full of self-loathing and desolation. He closed his eyes, refusing to look at the horrible image in the glass, and immersed himself in the song.

“A lot of things I believed in
And just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by.”


“I’ve been searching deep down in my soul.
Words that I’m hearing are starting to get old.
Feels like I’m starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend.

Mia was tossing about in bed when she heard these words. She thought heavily about her brother’s overbearing approach of running her life. ‘It really is getting old.’

And I said…
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.

I use to get lost in your eyes.
And it seems that I can’t live a day without you.
Closing my eyes, you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it’s not right.

Letty was gingerly trying to get comfortable in bed having a hard time with her injuries. She heard the last verse and cried silently, finally realizing that her perfect love wasn’t quite so perfect anymore. ‘It isn’t right. Hasn’t been right for a long fucking time. I don’t think it ever will be again.’

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.

And it hurts to want everything
And nothing at the same time
I want what’s yours
And I want what’s mine
I want you
But I’m not giving in this time

Leon stared up at the ceiling. In spite of the pain of losing Jesse, these words made him think of Letty … and Dom. ‘I want her. I really do. He doesn’t deserve her. He is … was … is my friend. No! Fuck him! I want her.’

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved…

The song quietly faded away and Dom was shaking with unfamiliar emotions. He looked at himself once again and hated what he saw. The anger and pain erupted through him and he put his fist through the glass trying to rid himself of that image. It didn’t work. It was imprinted in his mind.

He climbed back into his empty bed and curled up into the fetal position and cried silently. ‘Goodbye to you. Goodbye to everything that I knew. It’s all my fucking fault!’

~~Song by Michelle Branch “Goodbye To You”~~